A
male
age
18-21,
*anty03
writes:hi im a 17 year old (almost 18) guy and im rily confused about my sexuality. i've never had sex i've never had a girlfriend (or boy friend for that mater) but i've been atracted to men and women for a long time. when i was younger (10-13) and was first having sexual feeling i would fantasize about girls and wack-off but wen i discovered porn things started to change. i found a huge atractshin to to men. after that i stoped being turned on by chicks for a long time and i only looked at gay porn. but this is ware it gets confusing for me. my parents are vary religious and growing up we were taught that homosexuality was a sin and so the thought of any thing gay seemed rong and gross. and being gay imbarising. this cossed a lot of guilt for me and i rilly tried to not be gay. i know thats not true now and that thares nothing rong with being gay. but i still have a problem. im not romanticly interested in guys. and im not turned on by girls like i am with guys. or at least i think so. i wery that i cant imagine being with a guy because im still holding on to that idea that thares only one kind of real family.dont get me rong im not grosted owt by pussy or eny thing like that its just kind of like meh. but when i look at a guys dick im like oh yah! and to add another lare of confusion reasently i've been wacking to women witch is somthing i haven't done in years. i dont mean to ramble on its just that i want to start dating soon and every time i think about my future i see a wife and several kids. but im afraid to end up completly in love with the girl of my dreams but i cant make her happy because im not turn on. is that even possible?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2021): You can't help what crosses your mind. Watching too much porn will also confuse you; because sometimes the theme of the porn is more than you're able to handle at your age.
You have never had sex; so you don't really know what kind of sex you like, or with whom you want to have it.
Is it right or is it wrong? Let your conscience be your guide.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2021): I would suggest that you give yourself a break from any kind of porn. You're at an age in your psychological-development where you're not exactly sure what your sexual-orientation truly is. Let's say for now, it's "fluid."
You're a kid, and you'll explore things purely out of curiosity; but porn at your age is really too much for your developing-mind and emotions to handle. The visuals are too graphic and raunchy; and you need time to understand your deepest feelings and urges without being overwhelmed with such illicit raw-material. Stuff even some adults can't handle!
I'm not naive. Telling a teenager not to do something is basically daring them to do it; so if you watch porn against your parent's wishes, it is unlikely you will take my advice that you should try not to. It's confusing you.
Going to strangers to skirt around what your parents are trying to teach you betrays their trust. It can also place you at risk; if you listen to the wrong advice. Your folks are responsible for your safety and wellbeing; and what you are taught by random unauthorized-outsiders isn't based on love. Strangers have no particular emotional-connection to you, that would keep your best interest at heart. They don't know your personality, or how mature you are; so explaining things regarding sexuality could be overstepping. It's better coming from people you trust; and those close enough to know you. We can offer you some general advice. Even your school can only offer you sex-education upon the approval of your parents.
Now about your religious parents. There are many kinds of sins. People tend to cherry-pick certain sins; or make comparisons as to which sins are worse than others. According to God, and what is written in the Bible; you're not supposed to have sex before marriage, a man is not supposed to live with a woman until they are married, you're not supposed to hate, lie, steal, kill, disrespect your parents, mess around with witchcraft or the occult, you're not supposed to have children until you're married; and so on, and so forth. all these things are considered sins by God, as written in the Bible. How many of these things do people do, and everybody considers them to be alright? Even religious people!
Somebody who is having sex outside of marriage has no right to point holy fingers at gay-people. The Bible defines both as fornication and unacceptable...therefore, sin!!! God does not say which sin is worse; because He knows how humans think. He lumps them all together as wrong! He knows we'll sin anyway! He'll deal with it as He sees fit, because He made us; so, He wrote the Rule Book and Manual...The Holy Bible. He's God, and there is nothing in all the multiverse that can top that!
I can only speak from a Christian standpoint, assuming your parents are Christian. This is the thing. If you want to serve God, you have to live according to His rules. He doesn't negotiate, but He gives us grace to make up for where we fall short. That's like when your parents don't punish you; even when you know you deserve to be. If you choose not to believe in Him, or His rules; He gives you the free will to do whatever you wish. Your parents are only trying to give you a choice; by instilling some values and moral constraints that will give you a foundation to build your life upon. Until you are old enough to decide what you want and what you believe. For now, whatever bad happens to you is their fault! They are supposed to protect you and teach you things.
God forgives all sins, even something as bad as murder. That doesn't mean you can go-out and do it; and think you'll get-off by just saying you're sorry. He seriously condemns violence and harm to others! He may even set His own judgement against you! Take Him seriously! He forgives those who are sincerely sorry (repentant), and truly won't do it again. He knows we have weaknesses and faults; and we might repeatedly do things He has asked us not to do. He will step-in, and protect us from some things; but sometimes He allows us to do bad things, and face the consequences of our choices. Only to teach us, not to punish us.
I think you should stop watching porn. You should date a few girls just to decide how much you like being with them. You admit you suddenly feel attracted to them again; so go with that to see where it leads. I'm not suggesting that you have sex; but if you feel attracted to girls, allow yourself to decide how much. It's too soon to rule-out the possibility that you may only be curious about guys; but really emotionally and sexually-attracted to girls.
Don't be too quick to place a label on yourself just yet. You may or may not be gay or bisexual. It's too soon to tell at your age. Although some kids try to come-out younger than you. I think society rushes or pressures kids before they're really psychologically-mature enough to know one-way or the other. In any case, you're at the age where all sorts of thoughts and curiosities pass through your mind; and you cannot be accused of sinful behavior, when you're still very young and naive. You know right from wrong; but still within the innocence of your childhood. However, you can be held as responsible as an adult; if you do something extremely terrible! By the laws of man and God!
God is understanding and forgiving. He wants your parents to teach you the difference between sin and godliness, to set you on the right path. When you're old enough, you can decide on your own what your beliefs are; and form your own opinions. Hopefully, with some idea of who God is; and how He feels about things. You have to have your own relationship with Him; and that's when He reveals His secrets about Himself. He will remove or block things that will hurt you; and give you a pure mind and heart that pleases Him. He knows you can't follow each and every rule without making a mistake; and He will lovingly guide us, and protect us from others...and ourselves. Yes, God has a temper; but He is merciful, forgiving, and slow to anger. Not always full of wrath, and ready to shoot lightning bolts at us!
Your parents spiritual-beliefs are good; as long as they allow God to be God, and not try to out-God Him. You have to be careful these days; because the world will now tell us lies are truth, and good is bad. Take nothing as fact without checking it out first! Listen to outsiders only when it makes sense to you; and pray to God to help you understand your parents, when you're not sure when they are right. Not just trying to control or scare you! God is not a monster tossing thunderbolts and threatening us with hell and brimstone. He has His rules of right and wrong/sin; it proves our love when we have the desire to please Him, and love Him voluntarily. He doesn't force us to love or obey Him; and He doesn't consider a gay-person any worse of a sinner than somebody who has promiscuous-sex outside of marriage, or a bigot, or a racist. They can all wind-up in the same hell. They can also be forgiven; if they repent, and turn to Jesus. (If you want to be a Christian.)
He knows people will do bad things; but those who choose and love Him will follow His rules. Those who live according to what is acceptable to the world, will do that. We are free to choose whatever! When you are a kid, your parents will decide and teach you what is best in God's eyes; and what's best for your own good. It's not up to strangers who don't love you; and don't care enough about you to protect you. Your parents protect your mind and body; while God protects your spirit and soul. Don't feel resentment towards God, people don't always explain His ways or words correctly; but He reveals Himself fully, when you're ready and willing to get to know Him.
For now, don't put so much emphasis on sex; or watch too much porn. Allow yourself to develop other feelings and deeper emotions towards people; aside from what arouses you sexually about them.
If you're too young to know and understand your feelings, you're too young for sex! Take your time. Learn to love and care about males or females; apart from just having sexual lust towards them. God wants us to truly love each other, and He gave us sex as a gift; so we can express our affection to those we really and deeply love as a partner. If you choose not to live according to God and His Bible, please don't hate or persecute others who do. If they really live according to what God says; they should be kind, loving, peaceful, charitable, and trustworthy. If they are mean, self-righteous, hypocritical, and selfish; they can call themselves religious or Christian, but it's not by those standards and commandments set by God! If they say things to hurt you, that's coming from them...NOT GOD!
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A
male
reader, Banty03 +, writes (26 February 2021):
Banty03 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust to be clear, I gues what I'm asking is,
wtf is happening and am I thinking of it all rong?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2021): I would suggest that you stop trying so hard to put a label on what you are and how you feel and go live your life. Do you know what? If you go out and about (soon hopefully, we'll be allowed) and concentrate on the things that interest you in life apart from who you're attracted to, you will meet someone you like/love/fancy. Take it all as it comes. You can try to work stuff like this out, but until you have experience of it, you won't know really. You sound as if you're bi-sexual. Wait and see who comes along. But in the meantime, live your life and discover YOU.
Just make sure that you're being honest with whoever you date. Don't marry a girl to have the perfect family that you envisage if you're still masturbating to gay porn and not telling her. That's not fair. Same the other way around.
Just wait and see. Relax and go with the flow. Good luck.
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