A
male
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anonymous
writes:I'm 19, and I'll admit I'm fairly confident when talking to new people, and I don't cower down if someone has a go at me. Yet I'm always too nervous to ask a girl out. Is this normal? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Learning2Love +, writes (5 December 2006):
 Compliment women on their looks or whatever, but it must be a genuine compliment, now what happens when you do that is very similar to asking a babe out and it builds your self-confidence. It's also relatively low risk and can only help both you and the women.
Another thing is when you ask a girl out tell her what you appreciate about her and that you want to get to know her better. Pls avoid one liners they're just plain pathetic, they might have worked in the jurrasic period but not now. Honesty is the key.
A
female
reader, vina_101 +, writes (5 December 2006):
 Maybe it would help if you had a confidence boost and some reassurance. Rejection is what you fear when you ask a girl out right? Well guess what dude? Rejection is not the end of the world! There are other girls out there just waiting for a guy like you. You win some you loose some. That's the attitude you have to take when it comes to these things.
Tell yourself that you're great, sexy and drop dead gorgeous.Any girl who rejects me must be out of her mind because you have so many good qualities. After you've told yourself that start believing it. I'm not saying that you should be an arrogant jerk but...when you feel really nervous, a bit of confidence will do you good. Banish the negative thoughts from your mind. Think positive and be confident. Replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts. That's what always helps me when I get nervous. And I hope it helps you. x
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A
male
reader, moomoomoo  +, writes (5 December 2006):
 shanghai... hahaha... i too have my problems, when i know that a girl completely likes me and flirts heavily with me i still don't have the courage to ask her out cuz of doubts... and usually i wait until she makes it pretty darn obvious.. or until they actually ask me out, but i really think my style is wussy... i hope you cna do better than me but yea theres nothing wrong with martinis method, in your situation that would probably be a good way to go
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2006): Sure, it could be normal. Why not?
I am also fairly confident in my career, when I go out in group dinners with friends and strangers. Sometimes, I speak little, and listen intentatively, or add my points as a host. Speaking to females is absolutely no problem for me, continuing conversations with a dash of silliness and a soup spoon of substance, complemented with a sprinkle of innuendo and wit, everything is all fine and dandy, UNTIL I make an official point to ask someone out on a date.
So what did I do instead? Never is asking anyone out ever a date. If I ask a female out, that's just that. Dinner? Sure. Breakfast, lunch, brunch? Whatever. Wanna go for a drink, possibly tell me more about your adventures in Shanghai this summer?
It's all just friendship. If it leads to other things, if she can pick up on my interest, then great. Maybe when I drop her off at her doorstep, we'll give each other a hug, maybe even a kiss. If not, there's always next time, possibly.
You don't have to make it a date. Just make it an outting. [wink]
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