A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear all,Last week I returned home and dicovered my beloved cat had died in his sleep. I was heartbroken and still am but was also upset was my boyfriends reaction. I texted him to let him know and all he replied was I'm sorry hope you're ok. We have only been together 5 months but I can't get over that he didn't ring me (he lives 2hrs from me) to comfort me just a text. This has actually made me question our future, if he couldn't support whilst upset over my cat is this a sign doesn't care about me? I know I could of rung him but surely I'm worth a call? Thank you. Xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2012): You text him,didn't ring him, so he text you back. He did not ignore you. He sent a good reply.Your cat dying is awful, for you, no doubt when you see him next he will be sympathetic. If your questioning the relationship over this then possibly you are not happy with him in general.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 May 2012):
 I am so sorry for the loss of your cat. It's always sad to lose a pet.
I am a bit pragmatic about it.
You sent a text. HE replied with the same. IF you wanted him to call you, you needed to say "could you call me I'm very upset"... you can't expect him to KNOW what you WANT if you don't TELL him.
FWIW I just ended a 2 hour LDR... he moved in with me after a year of being together LD now we are together full time. BUT, we NEVER left important stuff to email or texts. We actually RARELY text.
Text is for non-critical stuff.... there were times when we needed to talk about something midweek that could NOT wait till the weekends and I'd make the 2 hour drive so we could have dinner...talk a few hours and crash so I could make the drive back in the morning for work...
You wanted consolation and comfort, you needed to let him know this. I would have instantly picked up the phone and CALLED my partner not sent a text.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2012): I am so sorry for the loss of your cat. I know how heart wrenching it is to lose a beloved pet. They are our family too and the pain is just as deep.
But that said. I think you're being unreasonable towards your bf. He did show caring. Just that it wasn't how you wanted. What's wrong with texting you if you informed him of your grief first by texting him?
If it didn't warrant a phone call from you to inform him of this loss how is he to know you are expecting him to call you?
He knew you were upset over your cat's death which is why he sent those sympathetic words. He didn't ignore you or say something uncaring like 'it was only a cat' which many other people who are unsympathetic would say.
Also you have to realize that if he is not a pet lover like you are he may truly not see it as that big a deal. Or he would not realize how affected you are. So his response could be all he is capable of giving.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (8 May 2012):
 You text him, he responded with a hope you are okay, the cat didnt die a traumatic death, ie being run over or dog attack which would have been worse to deal with.
Sure, its sad when our pets die, especially when they have been in our lives for a long time, but trying to find some gentle words here, I personally think your reaction to his non action is a bit over the top.
If you had rung him instead of sending a text, he would have heard the grief in your voice and responded accordingly.
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A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (8 May 2012):
 This isn't a question of whether or not he cares about you. If you wanted him to act a certain way or do something for you to help you through this, you should have told him. He is not psychic, and you shouldn't hold such high expectations. You're overreacting when you say that "this has made me question our future." No offense, but it wasn't your parents or siblings. Your cat died, for what it seems, peacefully in his sleep. It's not fair for you to show resentment to him, it could really hurt your relationship. Heal as best as you can.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2012): My condolences on the loss of your beloved cat. I've experienced similar losses within the past few years (I had two littermates who both lived to ripe old ages) and I grieved for several months over each of them.Difficult for non-pet lovers to understand the emotions you're going through, also many guys very awkward and uncomfortable discussing death and the grieving process in any form.I agree with TheRealist, bf deserves a pass on this one, you texted the sad news and he responded in kind, unfair of you to expect him to read your mind and know you were waiting for him to call. Be thankful that your cat died peacefully and painlessly in his sleep after his long and happy life with you (my cats also were afforded similar departures), and as time goes on the happy memories of his life will far outweigh the sadness you now understandably feel about his passing.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (8 May 2012):
The loss of a much-loved pet can be devastating. Sometimes it’s hard for people who aren’t really so keen on animals to understand just how painful it is, it’s a terrible bereavement there’s no doubt about it.
You are probably being a bit unfair to your boyfriend here though, it does seem from the text that he does care about how you’re feeling, how did you reply? He probably thought that, if you didn’t reply, you were either okay, or wanted some space and privacy. Remember everyone deals with loss differently, and maybe the text was his way of offering support if you wanted it, whereas if he’d called you, you might not have wanted to speak. If you’d thought of the text in that way, would you have resented calling him?
So all in all I think he meant well, I think the support was probably there if you’d asked for it, but that he didn’t want to impose himself on you because he didn’t know how you were feeling or how you were dealing with your loss. Communication within a relationship is two way, you can’t expect him to have all the answers or read your mind. Of course you should expect some support but he needs to know what it is that you need in order to give you that support.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (8 May 2012):
 The text sounded like he did care but I think you are overreacting here. I know pets are important but it's not like your parents died. He didn't ignore you but there is a good possibility that he was actually too busy to make it out to see you. That is a bit of a drive to make last min and he may not be good with the whole comfort thing. I know that I am terrible with death of any kind when it comes to comforting people.
You texted him first and didn't ask if he could call you. I'm sure he would have called you but I wouldn't make the drive or expect anyone to travel that sort of distance over a pet and yes I have lost pets and am very close to animals.
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