A
female
age
36-40,
*chulz
writes:Since the beginning of the year, I had been seeing this guy, whom I used to date a few years back. We met up for drinks, and we both felt an instant spark and a desire to get together again. However, he had just broken up with his ex, and said he wanted to take things slowly, as he didn't want to rush into anything. I understood, after all I had just gotten out of a 2 year relationship, and wasn't exactly looking for a husband. We went out a few times, had amazing conversations, and shared a wonderful sex life. A couple weeks ago, we were out at a bar, and he said that he was feeling a lot for me. I thought that was the right moment to tell him that I felt I was falling in love with him, and he said he was too.But the following weekend, he canceled our plans and started avoiding me. When he finally decided to call me back, he said he didn't want anything serious and he felt I was pushing things. So, we agreed to not see each other anymore. We have kept in touch, and he has texted me a couple times saying that he wished he was ready for a relationship. Yesterday, I got an amazing job offer to move out of town, and when I told him about it, he said he would regret it forever if he didn't see me again. He suggested we get together this week, and even though I really want to make the best out of the time I have left before I leave, and I want to be with him, I am concerned that this is going to end up badly, and that he only wants to have a "friend with benefits" "no strings attached" type of deal. Any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): If you're not going to have a serious relationship with him at all ever I don't see the point of seeing him again. Just make a clean break of it and move one. He seems to have no clue what he wants except that he doesn't want a real relationship and you do, so just accept it.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 February 2011):
 You're right, he is wanting a FWB thing with you. "Taking things slowly" should include taking physical stuff slowly as well. However, when he wants to take things slowly, yet speed headlong into a sexual thing with you after only a few dates, that is a huge red flag.
Ever wonder why he broke up with his girlfriend? Why was he speeding into getting physical with you while nursing a so-called broken heart? You are a rebound, and those relationships hardly ever work out for the one being used. And you are being used.
Drop him and find a guy who won't give you mixed messages like this.
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