A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating this lovely man for two months now and we're both very keen on each other and make time to see one another at least twice a week. He's 39 and I'm 36 and he's been single for two years. He's very close with his sister who is single and they do a lot together, shows, events, comedies and they've also travelled a lot in the past together too and call each other little nicknames. I just want to add we haven't introduced each other to our families yet so I haven't met her but he talks about her a lot. He announced the other day that in November he's going travelling to South America with his sister for three weeks. I'm not sure if it's me being irrational and insecure but I can't help feeling a little annoyed and hurt by this. Some of my friends think this is a warning sign because he's just too close with his sister and won't be able to leave any room for any other significant relationships and others think it's perfectly fine as it's very early days in our dating still.I just want to add that I've had a previous serious relationship with someone who was extremely close with his sister and it was like having three people in a relationship. In the end she split us up because she didn't want to share her brother with anyone else. So it's a really sensitive issue for me.Any advice gratefully received!
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female
reader, WhenCowsAttack  +, writes (1 October 2014):
That's his sister. She was in his life before you, and will be in his life after you. At this point it seems more like you trying to come in between them than the other way around.
If you start getting all insecure about it you probably will break up. What are you so worried about anyway? Surely you can't see her as some sort of romantic rival.
A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (1 October 2014):
That's his sister. She was in his life before you, and will be in his life after you. At this point it seems more like you trying to come in between them than the other way around.
If you start getting all insecure about it you probably will break up. What are you so worried about anyway? Surely you can't see her as some sort of romantic rival.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2014): First advice posted covers everything. Start building bridges with his sister, if they're close she will want him to be happy and would be pleased to meet you. No reason to listen to your doubting friends, it must be great to have that closeness with his family and I would take that as a good sign he is a nice person.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 October 2014):
 Ok, first off.. THIS is not your ex who's sister broke you up. This is a new guy and new sister. So leave the past in the past.
Secondly, You have been together 2 months. 4 months when he goes on vacation with his sister. WAY too soon to to get up in arms over a holiday. If you start having problems with this, you will push him away faster than a Corvette goes from 0 to 100.
The 3 weeks apart will give you BOTH room to miss each other and have a LOVELY reunion.
I don't know why people think dating = joined at the hip.
I'm sure there are thing YOU will want to do in life (aka a sort of bucket list) and having a BF doesn't MEAN you can't do them, neither can you prevent him from doing things in HIS life he wants to do.
Now if this relationship was 2+ years into it, I'd say OK time to travel with ME instead of Sis.. or all 3 of us going. But 2-4 months in?
My advice is why not make a good bye dinner for the TWO of them before they leave? Ask him if he would like for you to give (or treat them to) a send off dinner - that way.. YOU can met her and she can met you. TRUST me, meeting her can be as good for YOU, as it can be for HER.
I think you are making a BIGGER deal out of this then it is.
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