A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 8mo now and I'm having some worries about his life-long female friend. At first I didn't worry about her so much, but I have been picking up some signals that he may have some lingering feelings for her (he asked her out in high school). He saves her texts, makes her things, they hang out rather often. She's also quite attractive. He has admitted to me that he has some beyond-friend feelings for her, and I accept that he can't help that. Should I be worried about her being constantly in his life? And if so, what should I do?Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2011): Hey there, thanks to all of you for the thoughtful advice :) this situation is just so weird, because I really don't think he would cheat on me with this girl, it just bothers me to share his affections and space. Do you think it's fair to in any way limit their time or be controlling like that? Because that seems equally unfair of me.
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (13 August 2011):
 I have been in this situation myself.
I realized there were unresolved feelings and my boyfriend wanted to spend a lot of alone time with his ex to work on their friendship.
I was ok with the friendship and alone part. But, because he mentioned several times he still and unresolved romantic feelings I was concerned.
I talked to him about how I felt and he got upset that I was not ok with him being alone with her so much.
He started to yell and said "This always happens, my new gf always gets jealous of my old gf".
I said, "So let me ask you, are we talking about the same ex gf in these situations. New gf, but the same ex gf?"
Him: "Well, uh yeah...I dont see your point".
Then it just flashed off in my head like a lightbulb. I could no longer keep dating this guy. There was a pattern in his life and he was still stuck on the ex.
I was very sad, I had been dating him for 6 mos, but I knew if I continued I would keep wondering about his true feelings for her. I did not feel like becoming closer to him, but he would never be emotionally available.
I would be the physical gf, but she would be the emotional one.
I did not want a bf with divided romantic loyalties.
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A
male
reader, whattodoabouther +, writes (13 August 2011):
When you are dating some one you should not have any feelinges beyond friendship with any one. I cannot believe he would say that but at least he is honest. In my opinion its not worth it. If he has already admitted that he has feelings for her then you need to pick up your bat and ball and go home.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (13 August 2011):
 You have every right to be concerned. If the feelings are mutual on her end, then it could cause problems. Trust is very important in a relationship. And if you can't trust your boyfriend, then it makes no sense for you two to be together.
Let him know that you appreciate his honesty in telling you about how he feels about her, but you need the assurance that he's not going to try to pursue anything with her. Remind him that you two are in a relationship, and that you want the trust, respect, and loyalty that's suppose to come with it.
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