A
female
age
41-50,
*o-confused
writes:Hi all,Ok so my boyfriend of 3 months broke up with me suddenly on Wednesday night over the phone and I have not heard from him since. The situation is as follows:Things were always really good when we spent time alone, although we also spent a lot of time with his friends and when this was the case, he was a mile away from me and nowhere to be seen. He introduced me to all his male friends, but he also hangs out with a big group of female friends which he did not really introduce me to and just kind of expected me to 'fit in' with. He also watches these female friends play soccer which I thought was odd because he could have been spending that time with me instead despite his love of soccer and that his ex gf plays in this soccer team.However the only real argument we had was over spending alone time together. I got a bit upset as the previous weekend he spent the entire weekend with his mates drinking and watching soccer, and did not see me once. He preferred to see me during the week. I let that one weekend slide, although he told me that he had a soccer night organised the following weekend and even though he said he would fit me into his saturday plans, I kind of flipped at him because I felt second best and we had an argument.I know I overreacted but he just wanted none of it and went over to tell his friends everything and then spent the rest of the evening watching the girls soccer team whilst I was trying to contact him to work things out. when he eventually called back, he broke up with me.im absolutely devastated and really want to work things out. what do i do? at the moment i am too afraid to contact him because when we last spoke all he did was yell at me and said that he doesnt even know if he has feelings for me anymore.please help.
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female
reader, cheers  +, writes (13 August 2011):
 Sad how he treats you within 3 months.He's selfish person(sorry to say).He has his own world. He's angry& unhappy cos you mess up with the plans.He CHOOSE to LOSE you than soccer friends.How do you rate this person?
All you want is more time together.You ask it but does he gives in? Nope. He prefer his group of friends.YOu are nowhere,Not fair to you.Got it? He never consider your feeling being hurt
Do you think it'll workout? Nope.He already say he doesn't know if he still hv a feeling with you
Another point is respect& understanding. Does he have it? He yells at you
A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (13 August 2011):
 You have only dated this guy about 3 mos. In that amount of time, the bf prefered to be more in a group situation than alone with you.
I would think that shows he wanted a relationship that was more on the casual side.
How he spoke of you to his mates after the argument, yelling at you, are huge signs of disrespect. You were probably never much of a priority to him, so he broke up with you because of the argument. That took the "easy" part of the relationship away.
You are the only one interested in the relationship, so working it out is not going to WORK OUT. Let it go.
Eventually you will date someone who is interested in getting to know you, your interests, your friends and want to spend time with you in group and private settings.
This guy did not pass muster.
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A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (13 August 2011):
i would move on personally you don't want to be with someone who puts you second best i was with someone for 3 year who did that and it's not nice it doesn't get any better. if anything it gets worse. you deserve so much better. in time you will meet someone who will put you first like you deserve i know it hurts but you will get over him
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (13 August 2011):
 My suggestion is move on. This guy doesn't sound like he really wants a real relationship, he just wants a girl he can hang out with and sleep with when he doesn't have plans with his friends. There's nothing wrong with having an active social life, but to you, intimate alone time is important. You made him aware of this but he didn't make any special effort to include you in his life or make time for you.
Move on. If he was worth it he wouldn't have dumped you, he would have made an effort to work things out. After 3 months, he should be more willing to make time for you and include you in his plans. He's made it clear that his social life means more to him than his relationship with you. While it is healthy to have an active social life, relationship or not, he could have made more of an effort to welcome you into his social group, and it wouldn't take much to spend a little bit of alone time with you on the weekend.
You deserve better. This wasn't the relationship you wanted. He's made it clear he can't be bothered to make the effort to make it work with you. So move on. Onwards and upwards hun. Don't contact him, just move on.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie +, writes (13 August 2011):
 I personally wouldn't have been keen on the idea of his watching the ex-gf playing soccer. Sounds to me as though he was more interested in his friends than you. I would let it go, and move on. It takes two to have a relationship, and I think you were the only one interested in that happening. Sorry.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): He isn't interested in a romantic situation, couple stuff with you really is he?He likes to be in a crowd doing his thing - which isn't how you see a relationship is it?Why try and contact and get back with him just to go back to the same routine - can't see him changing just yet.Have some pride, leave him be, if he decides he misses you and is prepared to compramise - fair enough. Don't chase him though, it puts you at a disadvantage if you want him to change.
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