A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I just need someone to tell me that I’m crazy and maybe give me some advice on how to move on. I feel like I’m a high school girl! I’m 21 and I’m completely infatuated with a 40 year old married man who also happens to be very close with my boyfriend. I know it sounds silly, but the moment I met him it was like sparks flew. I know he doesn’t feel the same way, he’s harmlessly flirted with me, but nothing major. It’s been almost 3 years and I just can’t seem to get him out of my head. I daydream about what our life would be like together constantly. I love my boyfriend, I truly do. But for some reason I can’t stop thinking about this man. What do I do? Is this bizarre?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2019): You're young. You're not serious about your bf. Or settling down. You're bored. You need the fantasy of this man to feel something you no longer feel. The married man is not special. He's unattainable and a fantasy. That's why he is so appealing. Live with him everyday. Wash his underwear, hear him fart, take dumps, snore, he'd lose his appeal fast! He is ordinary!!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 May 2019):
 I think if this has gone on for 3 years it's about time you get a grip.
When you start fantasizing/daydreaming you NIP that in the bud and "change the subject" and you KEEP doing that EVERY TIME he crops into your head. It needs to stop.
HOW would you feel if your BF was having these daydreams and fantasies about (let's say) this guy's wife?
Would you not think that PRETTY inappropriate?
You say you love your BF, but you are LUSTING after another man. So maybe your BF is not entirely fulfilling your needs? Whatever they may be. Figure that out. What are you NOT getting from your BF?
Put some romance back in your relationship. Have some dates, picnics, whatnots and create some happy memories with your BF.
At 21 you are still new to being an "adult", my guess is you don't have much experience with dating if you have been with your BF for 3+ years? (nothing wrong with that by the way) But it might explain why this older and more established man seems SO attractive to you. At the age of 40 he probably have his stuff together. He knows who he is. THAT is attractive. Having a crush on him isn't totally strange, but NURSING that crush for 3 years... NOT healthy. It means you have now made him into this "almost super hero" type of a man, whom you have BUILD up to this "perfect man" in your day dreams/fantasies, however that is probably not who he really is. He might be a nightmare of a husband or a total slob at home... But when you put someone up on a pedestal for "worship" it's kind of hard for another (like your BF) to compare, he will inevitable fall short because you know the REALITY of your BF's personality and who he is. It's kind of unfair, don't you think?
And maybe you also have to consider whether you BF really is the one for you.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (17 May 2019):
 Older? Forbidden? Perfect for an unrealistic fantasy life. It's common to have a crush on someone you don't know inside out. You're not crazy, but you will need to keep reminding yourself that you're both unavailable and your fantasy life with him wouldn't be what it would actually be like.How often do you see him? If he visits quite a bit, it may be worth having other things to keep you busy, instead of just sitting with them daydreaming.Spice things up with your boyfriend. If things plateau a bit, which is normal for long term relationships, you need to lift it. Go somewhere new on a date, take turns planning a date once every other week. Do some research on how to add interest back into your relationship.I know you love your boyfriend, but is he right for you, going forward? Sometimes we fantasise about people who we imagine would bring something new to our lives that we need/want.You're still young, so fantasising about older men who could take care of you is normal, but you do need to let it go. It's common for it to go on this long, but it shouldn't. Look online for tips for moving on, as well as the advice here. Distance, time, being realistic, shutting down fantasies when they pop up, livening up your current relationship, etc.
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