A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I know this has nothing to do with dating issues etc.But I'm completely devastated by the lack of communication me and my mother have. Sure we get along every-time, laugh, agree on the same things.... but just that because when it comes to serious personal problems or the way i feel, it seems like she's never 100% with me. Not that she has to, no.I am the child in some ways because i'm still rather immature and i tend to make mistakes sometimes, even if i am 21 I'm still learning. But i feel like there is a lack of understanding between the two of us, she tends to be cold hearted sometimes, or doesn't understand the way i feel, this hasn't started now, No! since before this time.She is just so complicated.I recently told her i wouldn't be going to art class anymore, it's been weeks that i have been completely bothered by this.... i felt embarrassed and unable to really tell her the truth of one of my bothers, not that i have none i have many, but how can i confide if she acts so cold with me? I chose to not go anymore because this man has his personal studio his wife is usually with him, but lately it's beginning to irk me how he stares at me, way too much. He tends to get touchy like holding my arm or shoulder constantly, mostly when his wife isn't around and in the kitchen. At first he will help me behind me as i paint, but i thought not too think too much of it, maybe just maybe i was being too, "paranoid," but recently he did it again and this time it extremely bothered me, he got too close. I think to myself.If he is my art teacher, he has no right to break my personal space, never! even if not done intentionally. Secondly if i make mistakes as an artist i learn this on my own, i don't need someone to hold my hand, literally. Not one of my teachers ever did this, why should he? Since that day i have not gone to class or feel the need to, i felt very sick after telling my mom the truth. I feel horrible.She loves me i know, she's my mom. I know she worries and cares... but i found this dull of her to question why do i cry to suck it up... how can i not cry? if this bothers me, then she asks me. "if this was happening why did you choose to go in the first place."Truthfully, who is going to imagine something like this on the first round? I'm not a fortune teller, if i would have known i wouldn't have ever talked to this person ever in my life. And even if i could have acted on telling her the truth a bit earlier, how can i if this is the way she acts? cold hearted. She lacks in giving me any support at all... talking to me as a parent instead she just gives me stares as if i have done the wrong thing. The whole time. Instead the last thing she tells me is this, "now your father will be angry because i don't know how to tell him this, how will i handle your dad?"... sure my dad has a hard time controlling his anger he is very protective but...Should this matter what my dad thinks?In the end... doesn't it matter what i feel? how i think? how this has hurt me? I feel like this is so selfish of her! I wish for once she could sit and understand the way i feel for once, without having to nag me or make me feel inferior. She even makes me feel like this the times i've told her the truth when i have had feelings for someone else. It's like i can't trust my own family.And so maybe it is my fault i should have told her from the start, but i couldn't find the strength within me to tell her. Perhaps maybe i am overreacting, either way this doesn't make me happy. Is it right to feel the way i feel?Help me understand my mother too. another thing i forgot to mention she said, "why do you always make me feel like an idiot, around people, i come to pick you up there all the time." as if she's always being ridiculed, or she's always concerned of what people think of her but i'm not doing this to her. I don't want to. Why does she always think this?... she's selfish, i'm so tired of being worried or thinking what people think of me. she does the same thing. I question if this is an insecurity i have gained from her...either way This is beyond my grasp of understanding anymore. please help.
View related questions:
immature, my teacher Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 November 2010):
 You need to talk to your mother about this and be straight forward, ask her all your questions, and tell her the truth about how you are! Even if she doesn't ask, and you think she doesn't care, you are going to have to be the one to put yourself out there and just tell her how it is. Unfortunately I do not think she will make the first move in trying to better the communication, so you need to be the one to start.
|
