A
male
age
41-50,
*ragon69
writes:ok so things seem to be getting a little better. atleast we are not yelling at each other any more but now its really getting me upset and confused because when she talks to me on the phone she still knows we are married just kinda denys it then when she fills out questions on myspace she calls me her ex and she says shes single and availible. i dont know if this is saying she is done or she really does want me to better myself so she can come back but she just doesnt want anyone else to know about it. i'm trying to give her the silent treatment but its really hard i've slipped once so far in the past 4 days. she has called me concerned after some big storms ran through here. i know i cant make her love me again but i'm REALLY confused what should i do? should i question her about the myspace questionarre leave it go or what?
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female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (8 June 2008):
 Your question is a bit confusing too...but it sounds like you just don;t know where you stand.
Obviously you and your wife have had marital problems that have lead to seperation, but it seems like you have one idea about this situation (that you're having a break, some space to work on things perhaps??)and she has another view of it (she's calling you her ex, thinking about seeing other people??)...or like you suggest, maybe there is a bit of 'game playing' going on??
My opinion for what it's worth is that life is too short for game playing and that as adults we need to own our actions...you and your Mrs need to have a talk about what you both want, to work on things and be together OR to seperate amicably if possible?
It sounds like you're both hurting and trying to "win" in an impossible situation....hence the games, the myspace stuff, your silent treatment tactics...it's not about being the winner...cause noone wins when a marriage fails and/or gets acromonious....
"good" communication required....so if you think you can't do this on your own why don;t you and your wife consider using a therapist as a mediator. One way or another you need to sort out where you stand so you can both move forward in some way!
Hope you can get something sorted out soon!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2008): I have great empathy with you. I honestly suggest you "take all the problems of the past" and put it behind you! Yes, I know it sounds easier said then done, but trust me, move on! Do not waste your time and do not allow anybody to use or abuse you, not even emotionally (which seems to be the case here). You deserve a new life, hopefully with somebody that will love you and appreciate you. Try to consider her as your ex, do not even querry it. (Make copeis of that, should you ever need it for divorce purposes).
Feel happy to be free, and to start a new life! Value your independence and freedom and most of all, love yourself,( you are special and you are unique), the right person will discover you and will happily share your life.
Good luck and be strong, take care of YOU!
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A
male
reader, jay12toes +, writes (8 June 2008):
 so your married but she dosent live with you any more, is that right? yes i think it would be important for you to ask her about the myspace thing. if she dousnt want to be with you anymore she needs to let you know so you dont waste your time. you have to talk to her, tell her how you feel and then find out how she feels. just becarful what you say when you talk to her, one wrong word could end it all. if she decides your who she wants, then be the best you that you can be. good luck.
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