A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i'm codependent. my mom is, too -- it's why she puts up with my dad's bs -- i guess that's where i picked it up. i've read the articles online, and i have no doubt about it -- they describe me and my problems (and the comments everyone closest to me has made my entire life) as if they'd been following me personally for years.so the question is: what can i do about it?i've been single for a year and a half now. i'm not dating, but i'd like to get to a place where i could again, in a healthy, normal way. therapy/counseling isn't an option, for a number of reasons that aren't really relevant. i need to know what i can do on my own. are there things i can read, things i can do, on my own. i'm pretty smart, and i'm dedicated to the cause. i just need someone to give me a sense of the general direction i should be heading.i want to be normal -- to have self-esteem and be able to be vulnerable with my peers in real life. how do i do that? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sammi star  +, writes (13 May 2009):
 As soon as you start to do anything on your own your confidence will come on rapidly, as will your self esteem. I was in a serious relationship from the age of 16 until I was 23. I was happy for my partner to take the lead and I became more and more shy and had low self esteem as I never did anything for myself. When we broke up last year I was terrified, I didn't know how to live in this world just standing on my own two feet, and with a daughter to look after. One of the first things I did for myself was volunteering to do some charity work. The sense of pride I felt was amazing and I instantly held my head a little higher, knowing I didn't need someone to hold my hand all the time. Next I booked driving lessons even though I was so scared and that raised my self esteem even further. Even the little things I wouldn't have liked to do alone previously like organizing parties or taking my daughter to an appointment are just normal everyday things to me now. I'm looking into dating again and bearing in mind that when I do I need to keep a sense of self and some independence. So, you see none of this was easy to me but I force myself to do things I usually wouldn't and I really believe if I can do it, you can too. I really hope this has helped and if you ever want to talk, just message me. Let me know how you get on.
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