A
male
age
30-35,
*urfBoy1992
writes:Hi. I'm 17 years old and im horny a lot. I masturbate once a day right before i go to bed. sometimes twice a day. I have never kissed a girl, gone out with a girl or had sex. :(...I am a Christian so i want to keep my purity until marriage but i also want to have sex REALLY bad. What do i do?
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female
reader, Aliceinunderland  +, writes (7 April 2010):
 haha sometimes its the best way to get the point across.
A
female
reader, Aliceinunderland +, writes (6 April 2010):
Apologies, I'm tired, should have gone to specsavers.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (6 April 2010):
 mmmmm... Is that the sound of a moderator closing this post... think we've given enough advice to this young man already.
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A
female
reader, Aliceinunderland +, writes (6 April 2010):
q1605,
Sorry, but do you often contradict yourself?
"God loves you and will cast you into a lake of everlasting fire if you have it."
So does god really love a person if he is willing to torture them?
Why is it that you seek to instill a fear of god into this boy??
If god is loving, then he will forgive you for what you have done not punish you.
To the poster.
I know that some of us on here have been a bit unhelpful, and discouraging, encouraging, etc. But, I would like you to follow your heart on this matter, because as soon as religion gets involved, people become blind and see nothing but what they want to see. So if you feel you should not take any from of sexual activity, don't. Do what you need, not what you want.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): I don't think Aliceinunderland was trying to encourage, I think they merely meant that this young man should be able to make decisions that help him. I am not religious myself, but I am not against religion either. I think both sides should stop preaching and arguing with each other. It can appear very big-headed and also people are saying things in reaction to what they have seen. Please do not judge others from their opinions!!!
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (5 April 2010):
Please note, if he was a British Christian, my advice would be slightly different. Here our age of consent is 16, and sex before marriage is not seen as such a big thing.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (5 April 2010):
Atheist here.... back to the original poster. He is american where the understood age for sexual consent is 18. Therefore as a non Christian, it is sensible for me to advise him that sex at his age is not suitable.
As a Christian, with his own wishes to be moral and uphold his promises, again, it is perfect right if he is to be encouraged to remain a virgin as long for as long as he feel comfortable.
Non-Christians, why are you trying to push this young guy into having sex at such a young age and before he feels comfortable, remember he hasn't even got a girlfriend yet.
He needs to go seek a priest, some of the comments here are not sensible. Tolerance for other peoples views should guide all answers on this post.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 April 2010):
 Aliceinunderland,
Your apology is accepted. I agree with you that everyone is entitled to their opinions. But to insult and belittle others is wrong and insensitive to other's feelings.
I respectfully do not agree with what you posted but I would not insult or belittle your opinions.
I have no wish to correct your perceptions .Some day what you said will come back to haunt you .
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (5 April 2010):
I have to disagree with almasdp about,'non-Christians should never advice Christians.'
Those were not my words and it was your own inference and not mine.
I would like to clarify that I did not said that or infer it that way.
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female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (5 April 2010):
"If you do go ahead and try it in the next few years, you wont regret it. Im serous you wont."
With due respect to Myau,that is only generalization and stereotype thinking .What works for you does not mean that it works for everyone.
The Christian way of thinking is different from a nonChristian. It is a fallacy to say that
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A
female
reader, Aliceinunderland +, writes (4 April 2010):
I would like to say, I did not mean to stir anything here if I did, I just think that as a human you have the right to do with your life as you wish, it is good to have faith in something as it keeps you going. I am christian but, to be honest I lost faith in religion a long time ago...
So to all on here if my opinion, of which I am entitled to by the way, has offended you then I am truly sorry, many thanks
xx
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (4 April 2010):
 I'll try something a bit different.
Lets forget the pro religion and anti religion theme, and ill just answer ok.
At your age it is normal to want to try sex, I did too. If you do go ahead and try it in the next few years, you wont regret it. Im serous you wont. You wont think its a big deal really..I dont anymore.
But if you do keep it until marrige you will feel quite good about yourself and the feeling of keeping true to what you believe can be very empowering. Will it make your marrige stronger? no
So try this option, dont worry about it and just let life take you down the right path and lets see where you end up.
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A
male
reader, SurfBoy1992 +, writes (4 April 2010):
SurfBoy1992 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you!
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (4 April 2010):
*that's what a Christian is....
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (4 April 2010):
You are a follower of Christ, that was a christian is... please concentrate on reading the gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
If you want to remain a virgin (a good thing at your very young age) your going about it in the right way. Do not date girls, and daily masturbation is all you can do.
You need to also find some hobbies, and some friends to hang out with. You need a hobby at home and a hobby to keep you busy outside. The more you try to keep busy and occupied, the less time you have to turn your mind to sex. Going out and doing good work, helping those who are suffering, those who are old, or those who are lonely is something that a Christ follower should do.
Virginity dosen't make you pure, it just makes you a person who hasn't had sex. It dose not make you any better, nicer, kinder, interesting or moral than a non-virgin. Also virginity disappears in seconds, one push, and that's it. Do not let concerns about virginity push you into marrying someone unsuitable or marrying too young.
Also, keeping your virginity is your choice, and your choice only. It is a matter only for you, not even for your god. You wish to be a virgin on your marriage night, but the woman you marry may not value it, or she may have had other lovers before. The world is not made up of good people who are virgins, married ex-virgins who are pure and closer to god, and the rest of us, who may be atheists, buddhist (where marriage without sex is not forbidden) non-virgins, bi-sexual etc...
You remain a virgin because it's right for you. Don't be afraid of your sexuality, but do not be ashamed of making a promise to refrain from sex with another person right now.
Act like Christ, love humans, love your god, try to make the world a better place for you, me, and everybody. If you have difficulties with your faith, whilst in a human body which has it's own desires, you should go and talk to a priest.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2010): When you get a girlfriend talk to her about how you feel, and if you both want and respect that you will figure a way round things to save yourselves. You are still very young so I think you have a long road ahead of you. if this is what you want then be strong, you don't want to regret giving in.
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (4 April 2010):
 You need to talk to your Pastor. Thats why he is there. Don't give up your faith.
Good Luck!
Jeff
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (4 April 2010):
 I have to say I'm entirely disappointed. Since when does DearCupid turn on people that are trying to control themselves by encouraging them to go sleep around? When people say they're trying to hold onto their virginity, they are supported. But if he's Christian, you people seem to be offended by that? I'm almost ashamed to be a member of this site right now.
Look, SurfBoy, whether you're christian or no, if you are trying to control your urges and keep your virginity, more power to you. I've still got mine too, but I know EXACTLY how hard it is to say "no" when you've got a willing girlfriend. It's remarkably difficult, but not impossible. My advice is that, when you do have a girlfriend, you be upfront and honest about your intentions from the start. Let her know that you have the same urges as anyone else but are trying to stay true to your faith. Let her know that sometimes, you're going to want it, want her, and even say so, but that you need her to know how important this is to you and that you may need her to say "no" to you sometimes as well. If she shares your beliefs, or simply respects the faith you have and how important your beliefs are to you, she won't push you.
I had an agnostic girl for a while. When she couldn't control herself, I was strong. When I couldn't control myself, she was strong for both of us. She wanted to have sex with me (and yes I wanted sex with her), but she respected and loved me enough to support my belief in remaining a virgin until marriage.
My advice to you is the same as it is to any virgin (or really, anyone at all): If you're with someone that wants to push you into sex that you're not 100% comfortable with, then you deserve better than that person.
Yes, if you DO end up having sex, God will forgive you. But you will have lost your virginity which, forgiven or not, you cannot recover. I don't want to see you regretting giving it up in a moment of weakness then feeling guilty about it. Communicate with your girlfriend right from the beginning. Find out what she expects, tell her what you are willing to do, and don't compromise your morals just for a pretty face.
I've been through this particular struggle quite personally, so please PM me if you'd like to talk more about it with someone who's been there.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (4 April 2010):
I suppose it is alright in here to insult and belittle Christians , their faiths and their God and offer unChristian advice to Christians .
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A
female
reader, veronika  +, writes (4 April 2010):
 What you're feeling is normal.
I personally find no sex before marriage very suppressing and abnormal - in fact, I'm not a big fan of marriage full stop. I fully believe people should have sex whenever they feel, not go by rules (like no sex before marriage).
But because you seem faithful to your religion, I would suggest to look for a nice girl you're attracted to and start dating her. You don't have to have sex with her, but at least having a girlfriend might make things a little easier if you have someone to kiss and cuddle with.
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A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (4 April 2010):
You need to find someone who wants to have sex with you first methinks?
I am a bit concerned abot these God botherers on here - you must what feels right, with whom and when?
Being a Christian has nothing to do with your urges it is normal?
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (4 April 2010):
All sins can be forgiven by God except those sins which blaspheme against the Holy Spirit.
God can forgive you but you reaped what you sow.Whether you believe in a God or not ,there is a universal law ,Karma.
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A
female
reader, Aliceinunderland +, writes (4 April 2010):
Have Angel Sex... Sex with clothes on, that way you can stimulate all your senses :P
Tbh, no offense but why are you living by such out dated "rules" if there is a god, then he must be forgiving, its not like he, the all mighty forgiver is going to punish you for having sex. I think that this sex purity shizzle is stupid, because its unlikely you'll meet someone in the future that hasn't already had sex.
So relax, do what you need to do to make you feel better, its natural, human nature. Human Nature is the most influential thing ever, not a book!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (4 April 2010):
You need to pray harder and often. Read the Bible more and have the fear of God in your heart.
Go out with your friends and have fun or go for games or to the gym to keep your mind busy.
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