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male
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anonymous
writes: i have been going out with this girl for about over two years, things are great between us for the most part except for the sex. she is very conservative and timid when it comes to sex. she never initiates it and seems to have no sex drive whatsoever and this is in complete contrast to myself. its not that the sex is bad it just seems like we are incompatible in this area. i have talked to her on numerous occasions and she says she understands and will try and meet me in the middle but nothing has ever changed. i have never even thought of cheating on any girl i have ever been with. and never thought i would but it has happened. there is this other girl that i have been fooling around with and i dont know what to do. i think i like this other girl more than just someone to fool around with, we have great chemistry and a real connection together. i am very confused about what i should do. i feel horrible about what has happened. should i stop seeing this other girl and try and make it work with my girlfriend who other than this one problem is absolutely wonderful or should i break up with her and hope i can find someone who i can be happy with completely and fully compatible with? signed totally confused in arizona
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Smiler +, writes (18 June 2006):
 Hey Babe
I'm sorry this is probably gonna sound really harsh :o( so cause you weren't happy at home you thought the sensible way to fix things between you and your g/f is to cheat yeah? Relationships aren't just based on sex and physical pleasure babe, they do tend to also involve emotion, bond between you and your partner affection trust unity... should i go on here or am i like talking on deaf ears? There are no two ways about this what you have done to your g/f is not only disrespectful its selfish and hurtful your poor g/f.... thats what i'm thinking right now? just cause you have problems in between the sheets is it right to write of the rest of your relationship and cheat? how would you have felt if the boot had been on the other foot i wonder? so in my opinion you cheating cause you had problems in the bedroom is nothing more than an excuse... i'm outraged at the lack of respect you obviously had for your poor g/f's feelings in all this? or did that not even enter your head... you could have got advice and help regarding your differing sex drives rather than just cheating.. Are you ruled by that thing in your trousers or what... i'm sorry i feel there is just no excuse for your terrible behaviour.
I hope my advice was able to help you out with your situation babe and good luck with this... if you ever need a friend or a chat or just more advice don't hesitate to email me sweetie, I would love to hear from you again and know how you got on... Remember i'm always here for you anytime ok
You Take Care Sweetie X
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2006): I really believe that one should not rely on physical love to make one happy in a relationship, but physical love is how a man and a woman do bond, love, show affection and express their emotional unity. It is the ultimate intimacy between two loving people. You must realize that how she treats you physically and sexually may possibly be as good as it will get. I think you have realized that it won’t get any better than this unless your current gf can realize that a physical relationship is just as important as well as the emotional, and she makes some startling changes, you may be living with this for a long time. Frankly, I do not condone your cheating, I think it is disrespectful, selfish and cowardly. You and this gf are not physically compatible so I agree with lost and alone...leave this relationship and pursue something that is more beneficial and supportive to what your relationship needs are. You need to think long and hard and decide what your future will be like with the current gf and go from there.
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A
male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (17 June 2006):
 I have been there. I suggest you leave the relationship and do your fooling around. That way if you ever choose to get back with your girlfriend you can always say that you weren't together when you did your fooling around. This may also stem her to improve upon her sexual skills and want to make more of an effort to please you. You could also meet someone you are totally compatible with and have a great relationship. I will also add that sex isn't everything. LOVE, TRUST AND COMMUNICATION are the biggest things and it took me 29 years to figure that out. I lost alot to gain that knowledge. Was it worth I don't know but it was if it helps you. You might find that you love her enough to look past those things and are willing to let her grow under your guidance but the latter way stops you from totally crushing her although she will be hurt but its only a means to an end. Be safe.
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