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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been with my partner for over 8 years, on and off. He tells me how much he loves me and wants to marry me and look after me, but he is very controlling and very unpredictable. He can be very romantic, considerate and loving, these are the reasons I still love him very much, but I am scared of him because of the way he has acted in certain situations in the past, therefore I feel I cannot give him the commitment he is looking for.He has been both physically and verbally abusive towards me and my family, and I find it really difficult to talk to him, and get myself into such a state if I have to let him know that there is going to be a girls night out, or my sister would like a day out with me shopping etc, because I know what his reaction will be. The last time was when I informed him my daughter wanted to take me away for the weekend to see a show, he kept me trapped in his car for over 6 hours while he told me how much I had hurt him and how selfish I was. (My children hate him). He says he has changed, and that he will do anything to make this relationship work, he will even consider relationship counselling. As we are both are finding it so difficult to let go, do you think that counselling would work for us?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2006): I can't tell you if counselling will work. No one can really answer that. You want to marry a man who abuses you and you are scared of him. You know full well what type of future you will have with him, if you do marry this fellow. Your children hate him, your family hate him and it sounds like they all have good reasons. They are seeing their Mother, daughter, etc being treated like a doormat and as a result, they are fearful for you. Is that the type of future you want for all of them? Always to be worrying about you and enduring his abuse? By marrying such a man tou are plopping them, right into the middle of your life with him which is dysfunctional and toxic. If any of your children are living with you, why would you want to move them into such such a shaky situation. Children need solid, committed relationships; the people children should have in their lives to love should be forever, mature, loving people - not Mommy’s abusive man and bedmate. My opinion? You are greatly endangering your own physical safety, and any children living under your care (if any). I wouldn't even do the counselling route because men who are abusive to begin with, are emotionally broken people. It will take years of hard work and committment for him to reverse the damage that has been done to him, from his own past. I say...walk away and don't look back. Save yourself and your family a lot of grief and future heartache. Good luck, dear and be strong
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2006): First instinct says to leave him as soon as possible since he doesn't seem to value you as a person, but rather as something he should control. Since he is actually willing to go to counseling, do that if you must. He sounds like someone with a lot of anger issues, but that's not your fault unless you've cheated on him or something like that. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, carebear  +, writes (17 June 2006):
 if you want to live like this then take him back if not then you can try counceling so he can manipulate you again also bear in ming your children hate him it won't be long till they start to resent you for putting up with this what is he your partner or your keeper c'mon you seem like a mature woman read some of the other posts here and start standing up for yourself by stating I WILL NOT BE TREATED LIKE THIS FULL STOP!
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