A
male
age
51-59,
*uzbet
writes:i'm 35 yrs old and just recently split up with an ex, whom i had worked with for a couple of years before anything happened between us. last year she took a suddn interest in me after she had recently split up with her boyfriend . i was a little confused as i barely knew her but at the same time i was flattered by interest, as it been a long time since i was in a relationship. we went on several dates and last new year we slept with each other. they were fun times, as i was not just embarking on a new relationship, i was embarking on a new journey of life as i'd been excepted to drama school.at the same time i was aware she'd must be feeling a little sensitive about going into another relationship so soon after spliting up with her long term partner, so i didn't want to rush her into anything, until she knew she was ready.even though we started a relationship last year, she'd play hot cold with me. one minute she wanted to be around me then the next she'd avoid me, then wanted to be with me again. i could not work her out. this year she embarked on an affair with a collegue of ours at work, who at that time was with his girlfriend, but has now split up his ex.she'd never had the courage to tell me what was going on, but i could see she was flirting with him. i too didn't have the courage to confront her about this. i was constantly questioning whether i was bein paranoid or not. it came to a head early this year when i heard a conversation between him and a collegue that they had snogged. i found it so unbearable to be at work, that i took some time out from work to concentrate on my studies. i eventually had no choice but to resign, as i felt so uncomfortable being there.i am now unemployed and still finding it difficult to concentrate on my studies and dreading xmas, not just because iam finding it finacially difficult but also the reminder of what happened last year. i am just wondering what happened? did i do anything wrong? and how do i get her out of mind because as i can't seem to move foward? i have some good friends but why do i want to withdraw from social gatherings?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): happy new year. thank you for your advice last year. all the advice you gave was invaluable.
i celebrated the new year with a couple of friends and although i quite enjoyed the company and the merry spirit, i am still wearing an old head within a new year. to be quite honest i am feeling lower than ever as this new year is a constant reminder of the last, as it was exactly a year ago when this girl and i became physically intimate with each other.
i know that a new year is a time for renewal and embarking on new adventures but i can't seem to let go of the past. to be perfectly honest i can't bear the thought of her and her new boyfriend being happy. don't get me wrong i want them to be happy as they are good people but i feel it should not be at the expense of other's misery.
i am jealous and i know it is not conducive to feel this way in order to move forward with one's life, but i can't help it. i've never felt jealousy before and i don't like the experience at all. last year i went to see a therapist to do CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) though it was very helpful i was unable to attend all the sessions as it was clashing with my college.
i just feel at a total loss. i have not been able to muster the energy to look for a new job sufficiently and i am worried about being in debt when i finish college.
i am so full of despair. what can i do to rectify this?
A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (15 December 2007):
 The reason you can't move forward is because you don't understand what happened. I agree with Rockelle, the woman was not ready for a relationship and she handled things with you very poorly. But the truth is that it is her issue and you will likely never know what she is feeling or why she did what she did to you. So, let's try to forget about her, she is not worthy of your thoughts.
Lets focus on you. The lack of concentration is normal when your life changes so much. You've got a lot going on right now. Make a list of all the things you have to resolve.
1) Girl treated you poorly....her issue, nothing you can do(or could have done)...have a good cry and realize you will heal in time and find someone more worthy. It is always better to have put your all into a relationship than to have held back.
2) I've heard that the holidays are a good time to get a new job so polish up your resume and see what you can do on that front. Even if it's not the job of your dreams at least a job will keep your mind occupied and have some money coming in.
3) Can't concentrate on your studies...remember that you love your studies...it is your passion...don't let this woman take your heart and your passion away from you.
Rockelle is right, you are not alone. Lots of us are feeling down around the holidays for one reason or another so if it helps you to know you are not alone, you're not alone.
I too wish for you a 2008 that is filled with little rewards and happiness.
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (14 December 2007):
 I first want to say that I am sorry for the misfortune you are experiencing, and the holidays are a tough time for so many people. People who are going through break-ups , divorce, who have lost a loved one this year, people who are experiencing financial difficulties etc. The best solution to a problem like this is to focus on the good things that you have going on in your life. At least you have your health, and you are in school doing something that you are excited about so that is a +. This girl sounds like she is trying to find her place and sometimes after a ending a relationship you struggle to try and fit into the single life that you are not used to. Someone better will come along eventually.So just try and enjoy the holidays as much as possible.People who really love you do not care about your finances on holidays they just want your company(parents, close friends, family) Just think, you can start off fresh for the new year. This is an opportunity to get things back on track and do better next year. So, I hope the New Year brings with it some good luck for you and me.
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