A
female
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*isztoria
writes:Ok so I've known this guy for a while and we talk on the phone alomst all day/every day and I've hung out with him with my friends a couple of times. He's always nice to me and we get along great, but I'm afraid he'll never acutally like me the way I like him. The reason i say this is because I'm black and he's white and where he lives there's a lot of racism. Of course he has no problems being friends with me, but I'm afraid if I tell him that I like him as more than a friend then he'll get all weird on me. He's never dated a black girl nor has he ever had a girl friend who was black. I'm also afraid he won't find me attractive because I know he's really into girls with blond hair and blue eyes. He know's I like white guys (my friend told him this) even though I've never dated one, so I thought he'd pick up on the signals I've been giving him. So my question is should I tell him that I like him? Or should I just keep my mouth shut like I have for the past few weeks because the last thing I want to do is make him uncomfortable? And if I do tell him, how would I go about doing that? Thanks! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, bonym  +, writes (1 November 2006):
 Hello again, I see, please dont think that I was trying to say there is something wrong with your preference, because like I said, colour means zero, nothing to me. People who tease you are ignorant thats all, there is nothing wrong with liking someone from another race, its just the level of stupidity and ignorance people have thats all. If he likes you, great, I just hope that peoples ignorance wont hinder your happiness. Take care.
A
female
reader, misztoria +, writes (1 November 2006):
misztoria is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey again it's me the orginial poster. I just wanted to say to bonym that I don't only like white guys. Where I'm from mainly people stick with there color and if your a black female and you like white guys you get teased and harrassed about it. So by saying I like white guys means I'm open to the idea of dating out of my race unlike most people I know. Although I could care less what color this guy is, the truth is he's white and from a racist town so naturally one would assume he wouldn't be open to a IR relationship. Esp. since my friend who introduced us said that all his friends (except 1) made fun of black people and they don't talk to people like me. But now that I know he "secretly" likes me it doesn't matter now.
But I still thank you for your advice.
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A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (31 October 2006):
Friend, colour really ought not to be an issue, I mean I am black and I love ALL races, ALL creeds, ALL colours, it doesnt matter to me as long as they are respectful, clean, decent, honest, hygienic, loyal, and charming, colour dont bother me whatsoever. If you like him, look beyond the fact that your skin is brown and his is ivory, so what, our colour is our covering, it means nothing, you say you like white guys, well that statement worries me, when I say worry I mean, what do you mean by you like white guys? A guy is a guy, so what if he is black or white, I like some black men, not all, I like some white men, not all, I like some Asian men, not all etc etc its impossible to like ALL of one race etc etc, so when you say you like white guys I find it strange. Just be honest with him, why doubt your beauty, so what if he likes blond girls. Me for example, I think the singer John Ledgend is absolutely amazing looking, but then I also think Colin Farrell is amazing, ones black/chinese, one is white, they are equally in my eyes gorgeous, their colour means nothing. They are just attractive to me. Friend, dont see your skin as an issue, if he likes you he will like you for YOU not for your skin tone. xXx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2006): if you like him tell him you never know he might like you too. it shouldn't bother you about you been coloured and him been white, racism may occur where you both live but you can get through it.
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A
female
reader, misztoria +, writes (31 October 2006):
misztoria is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHye guys, thanks for your input. I haven't told him I liked him yet because lately we haven't been talking. We're still good friends, it's just that he works early and as soon as he gets off I start work and by the time I get home he's asleep. And what really sucks is that I know he likes me! My friend told me last night that he is attracted to me but didn't know how to tell me. (By the way I'm 17 and he's 19)So now I'm hesitant to tell him because it seems like we won't have anytime for each other because of the difference in work schedules. Now I have another obstacle in my way but hopefully I can cut back my hours and work part time instead of full. Hopefully I'll see him next Tuesday and maybe if it works out we'll be together.
So thanks again for all of our input, I guess I was just being paranoid about the whole race thing. It's funny because he's been calling me honey and I call him sugar so maybe we're on the right track. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2006): I am Indian woman and I am going out with a white man. Firstly I think you should tell him about your feelings, because he may just be interested you know, and is scared to voice it.From my experience, I have to tell you this, when you are in love there is "NO COLOUR". I used to feel embarassed intially, and I told my boyfriend that he reminded me of "milk", and I was ebony. He was hurt by the description and I would never forget, and I would also like you to remember how he described us: If he is milk, then I am honey" If he's your man, then you go for him girl.God Bless
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female
reader, vina_101 +, writes (31 October 2006):
 Make sure you like this guy for more than the fact that he is white. Why are you doubting your attractiveness and why are you comparing yourself to ohter people? Do you have a low self confidence? I hope not.Anyway moving on...Tell him you like him. During one of your many conversations bring it up. "what would you say if..?" Guys (no matter what race)tend not to get hints as you have now found out, so you're going to have to be more obvious. There is only one way to find out if he likes you. Ask him straight up. Or maybe he has understood your hints but chooses not to act upon them because he doesn't like you in that way. Maybe he sees you as only a friend. Not because you are black but because he just doesn't fancy you. If that is the case things could get awkward but in time you'll go back to normal.If you want to you can private message me and I'll try and help you more. Good luck
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A
male
reader, David Lewis +, writes (31 October 2006):
 There are prejudices and opinions regardless of the relationship. I am in an age gap relationship, so most of the pressures come from the outside, as do the funny looks. She makes me happier than I have ever been, so other peoples opinions don't really matter.
If you really like this guy and he likes you, (which it seems like he does, judging by the phone calls)I would say go for it.
Don't let outsiders spoil what you could have with this guy. I just think its sad that people feel the need to interfere in other people's relationships.
Things will be hard, names may be called, feelings will be hurt. But, love does prevail and happiness overshadows the critics. Other people have made us even stronger, because we feel like we have a point to prove.
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