A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I`m a bisexual married woman and have fallen in love with a woman who`s a lesbian. She doesn`t know I`m bisexual or married. She`s fallen in love with me as well because she tells me all the time. The thing is I`ve never told her I`m in love with her because I`ve strung her along to believe I`m not with my husband anymore plus I haven`t told her im bi. I know I`m a jerk and now I don`t know how to deal with guilt anymore. I don`t stay in contact with her like I want to because my husband and kids are around a lot. She`s getting mad and thinks I`m playing games. What the heck should I do? She`s hurting from the way I`m stringing her along and making her do all the work as far as us being together. I don`t see this turning out to well. She would be justified if she ended up hating me or cursing me out. What the heck should I do? She`s a good woman and I don`t want to hurt her. I`ve been treating her like crap hoping she was just walk away so I don`t have to break her heart even more by telling her how I`ve deceived her and pretty much wasted her time. I feel horrible for messing with her emotions. We have never been physical. Its all emotional which will devastate her even more.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2013): Toying with someone's feelings when you are married could only have dire consequences. This woman will eventually discover the truth on her own. She will be angry and may destroy your family out of rage and frustration. You deceived her by withholding the truth about yourself.
There is no question about what you have to do. You have to confess that you are married and apologize for being such a horrible person for your own selfish reasons.
You are running the risk of hurting your husband, and destroying the stability of your home for your children. He will soon discover what's going on, and you could have a divorce and a serious child-custody battle on your hands.
Your marriage is obviously sham, so you may as well dissolve it once and for all. You're in love with this woman? Not really. You're playing the field.
You are actively living a lie and it will catch up with you.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (18 April 2013):
 What should you do?
Well, does your husband know you're having an emotional affair on him?
We'll get back to that one. What you should do if you truly love this lesbian you're mistreating, you should tell her the naked truth, because you're putting her through hell making her think there's something wrong with her and stringing her along like a toy. Do the right thing, apologize to her, tell her the truth, become vulnerable, and then let her make her decision. You owe her that if you actually love her, and love is not self-serving. She'll probably leave, because most people have integrity and don't want to be with a married person.
Speaking of, you're hurting your husband too. Doesn't matter how bad or good your marriage is, having an affair, emotional or physical, is alienating your affection. If things aren't good between you and him, you need to go to counseling, fix it, and turn your attention to him. Either that or let him go so he can be with someone who does love him. Again, love isn't self-serving. If you say you love him, then he deserves your best and your all. Being bi-sexual means that you're attracted to men and women. It doesn't mean that you betray who you're with. Love is love, and love is faithful.
Time to straighten your life, fix your marriage with your husband or let him be free. Either way, you need to come very clean with this other woman. She doesn't deserve to suffer emotionally because of you. Getting her mad enough to leave is the ultimate act of cowardice.
Do the right thing.
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