A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a girl online locally, she been married for 3 years. Husband cheated on her and hit on her, lied to her, and made her feel less of a woman. We met up, and talked, and found a connection. Eventually we kinda hooked up telling each other we love each other. One day she packed her things and moved back to her hometown, and left him here. Now all of the sudden we kinda break up because he trying to get back in the picture. Should I let go of her or continue to try to be with her. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2013): Yes, you really should let her go, as hard as that is. For starters, who knows if what she is telling you is even true.Lets just say that it is....she went back to her husband,and at that point, she should have ended anything and everything with you or anyone else "on-Line" and focus 100% on her marriage. She's holding onto the security of being with someone even if he's done her wrong, and she's holding onto you for back-up. This is not fair to you and it's not even remotely healthy for her. She may very well have real feelings for you, but the rest of her is very mixed up and she will not be giving you what you deserve. I really think you are setting yourself up for one serious heartbreak. She has a lot of baggage and it's going to take some time to drop it all and leave it behind. If this girl is the real thing, down the road, perhaps in time after she is divorced and standing on her own two feet, she will be ready and what you need and want. You, in the mean time should go out and meet unattached women and start dating properly. Stop going on-line and engaging with people who have no business being on there in the first place when they are married or in a relationship, regardless of what woes they tell. Hook ups are only temporary. Meet a women, get to know her, take her out on dates and then go from there. Chatting it up with unknown people and then hooking up with all these "kinda's" will land you the same thing over and over and over again. And no, you will not end up with a different result.
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (18 April 2013):
 Your woman is going through a very traumatic time in her life. Divorce always causes so much emotional turmoil and the fact that she hasn't committed to going through with it indicates to me she isn't sure what she wants.
While I don't doubt her emotions towards you aren't real, she just isn't capable of making the commitment you really want. And I think you are setting yourself up for a world of heart break. I also wonder if your emotions towards her are biased because she has been abused -- do you think you are playing the role of the white knight? Some women love to be rescued be the white knight, but once rescued move on and go back to the black knight (I've been there)
I would encourage you to read this article, as it does talk about what you are going through to an extent:
http://www.reviewjournal.com/columns-blogs/steven-kalas/freshly-divorced-can-often-mean-next-relationship-trial-run
Your relationship could work out, but the bottom line is you are taking a HUGE gamble that could leave you emotionally devastated. Even if she gets divorced she may not be able to give you the emotional commitment you are looking for right away.
I think you need to weigh how much you love her, the risk you want to take, and what you really want. There could be a high price to pay here -- is she worth it?
Eddie
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2013): Too much baggage OP move on. Seriously, you only met this woman, hung out, "kinda" hooked up, and now you're "kinda" broke up Too much baggage, don't wait around for a wishy-washy woman who doesn't know what she wants, get her a refund on the ticket and say "goodbye".OP she's just a woman you met online, had a bit of fun with but discovered she's one messed up lady with some ultra heavy fucking baggage to the point where she still doesn't know whether she wants to be with her abuser or you?Fuck that, you're out. You know? Seriously OP is this the kind of shit you signed up for when you date? You want to be her knight in shining armour or some shit?No, you want a nice lady, who is free and single emotionally and ready to see how far she can take things with you.Not some messed up abused, rebound weirdo woman who still isn't over her ex.Too much baggage, get out now before she drags you down with her. Too many single ladies out there with no baggage, a lovely life to share and easy fun dating to have. Why waste your time on someone so fucked up?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2013): We'll she said she confused right now, ima suppose to fly to Cleveland to see her may 29th for her bday. Now she saying she dont know if I should come, vim because it might be done drama. She was telling me all the bad things he did to her, how she will never get back with him. Now it's like a slap in my face, because she willing to give him a 3rd chance. They been married for 3 years. At first she was saying she regret marrying him, because 3 years of her life have been wasted with him. She told me that she wish she would've met me first. Idk what to do. I just wanna leave, before it gets worse. I wanna fly up there to see her. She paid for my ticket already. I'm just waiting on her to make up her mind
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 April 2013):
 Is she still married to him legally? Don't break up with her unless SHE wants to get back with her husband. However, she needs to file for divorce as quickly as possible. You can't have a true relationship with her as long as she is currently married to him. Separated isn't enough. I know people will disagree, but if she's committed to another legally, then she's not free.
You were dating her while she was living with him. Why would you break up then simply because he's trying to get her back? Has her behavior changed and now she's confused or is wanting to try with him? If that's so, then yeah, you should go. You do not want to be a third wheel in a marriage. She needs to file and finalize the divorce for you to have a future with her.
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