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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I met a man on dating website jut over a year ago. We moved in together after three months, things were going great. However, I think I have made a huge mistake. When I met him I had just been through very traumatic events and he distracted me from it all. I do love him, but I'm feeling more and more like I have done the wrong thing by starting this relationship. He is a really lovely person and I love him, so I don't want to hurt him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2016): I'm getting the feeling that your love for him sparked due to the fact he was always there for you through those traumatic events. Let me ask you this; what make you like / love him in the first place?Have you ever thought that you were just emotionally attracted to him? I don't know the exact context of your relationship with him, but in my experience, you could have been just emotionally infatuated with him. In your time of need, he has always been there. That gives you the chance to see him in a different way, as you were in a vulnerable state of mind.You have a higher tendency to fall in love with him, feeling that he is all you need, that perfect piece to your puzzle. But when you reach a point of emotional stability, you would take a step back and ask yourself; is this the man I really want to be with for the rest of my life?You love him for being that guy who stuck it out with you during your traumatic events, he's so sweet for doing that. But I assume that you have reached the point of time, where you question; I don't know whether he's actually the one for me. There's several factors that could induce that:Perhaps you are not so physically attracted to him?Perhaps your impression of him online and offline has changed?Perhaps his lifestyle habits aren't what it seems when you first knew him?Talking to the person online and knowing them in person are two different things. Have you seen how's he is like with his friends and family?I agree with the other answers that it may be a little too fast to be moving in with him. You may not be in a right state of mind when you made this decision on a whim."He is a really lovely person and I love him, so I don't want to hurt him." Reading this, you're telling me that he's a sweet guy and all, but I don't think I want to be with him.You're questioning this relationship. You could probably get to know him better and see if you really want to be with him. You'll never know, you may change your mind or not.But ask yourself; are you happy? Is this it? Do I want you for the rest of my life? If the answer is no, you may be in an "ok" relationship but it isn't satisfactory. Only you would know the answer. If you think he's the one for you, stay. If you have doubts about that, you may want to consider leaving for the sake of your happiness.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2016): Hi,i wonder if you may be thinking that you moved in together way too fast?Three months for some may be great, but for some may be too soon.Are you somewhat doubtful of yourself, perhaps even a wee bit insecure about this relationship and the future of this relationship.Are you still carrying baggage or hangups from your past?These are a few questions that you need to ask yourself and answer honestly.The good news is, you say you love him and so long as you are sincere in approach, then why even question the relationship?Allow it time and space to grow and blossom and see what comes out of that.Ultimately, only time will tell.If you told we readers, that you'd met another man, you didn't love him, then we'd suggest you leave him, but it appears to me, that you do want to be with him, bec you're still with him and you've not stated otherwise.If he is a good guy and he treats you well and you are happy, then stick with the one you know and don't play Russian roulette with your future.You know the old saying, "better the devil you know, than the devil you don't know."Do give this relationship a real chance. It may surprise you ten fold.All the best and let me know how you get on. :-)
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 March 2016):
 You mentioned you where having a hard time and he was a distraction, that's okay, that's the way a lot of us cope with trauma. You say you love him so why are you doubting it? Have you low confidence? Talk to him about how you are feeling, or if not maybe talk to a friend or a close family member about your worries. Remember that whatever happened in the past you deserve to let yourself be happy.
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