A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My mom is supportive when it comes to stuff I need, like she'll get me it but along with it come massive bad talk. I don't know why she enjoys putting me down and telling me this daily non sense always yelling at me. She's always on a lot of medication due to her not being able to work she's disabled due to her hand. So with this comes a lot of money issues. And we are often on a tight budget so I know she's often stressed about money. I'm going to school an hour away so she has to worry about my meals and money for transfer. And she's on her own my dad isn't the picture. But my question is how do I get her to improve herself ? She's even told me i don't know why your in school you should just leave it. And I don't know if she says that cause of all the money stress or she really doesn't want me to succeed. But when I get wonderful opportunitys she somehow supplies me with my needs, but later lashes out on me. It's really upsetting because yeah I'm getting my needs but I'm also being verbally put down. And the crazy thing is everyone is always saying how I'm always smiling. And at school they admire my dedication. But when I'm home it's like a lot to handle and the stuff she says isn't helping I like being away from home as much as it hurts to say. School is like my escape. Only thing I look foward to being home is for my dog. Any comments or ideas on how to deal with this all?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 June 2015):
 She's conflicted. On one hand she wants you to be successful so there would be less money worries. On the other hand she's afraid that you would be independent and leaving her nest. She would feel lonely, non existent and helpless. She is putting you down to make you weak, so you can't make decisions for yourself and are under her control. Some parents look at children as their extension. If they hate themselves then the way they talk to the children would be the same kind of intensity. What you can do is ignore her when she shouts. Leave, or close the door. There would be a negative vibe in the house but be unmoved by it. You have to detach from the idea that she's your mother, and that she has the power to influence your feelings. Be accepting that the warm, loving mother never was and she is merely a portal that you came to earth through. She is in suffering so turn your sadness into compassion for her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2015): People in pain and under stress often act this way.Were your parents ever married?If they were in the divorce it states how school is to be paid for.Your father although not being there for you should be held half responsible for all costs incured for school.If he chooses not to be I say go to legal aid and make him be.Many students have sued and won against deadbeat parents.If your mother is on disabilty all your tution and books should be free.You need to be a grownup now and reserch your opions.It does not have to be that hard.With some of this money stress out of the way your mom might be a happier person.You could also get a part time job and use that to pay for your travel to school and pack a lunch instead of buying it at school.
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