A
female
age
30-35,
*rigatokitty
writes:Im currently in a relationship, but I have very few friends. My closest girlfriend doesn't live close by and the male friends I did hang out with when i was single kind of drifted once I went into a relationship. Partly because they didn't approve of my partner, also because my partner didn't like me talking with them. The time I do get to spend with my female friend, my partner always seems to complain.I want to make more friends as I want to be able to do things with people other than my partner and to not feel so isolated. I recently made a friend, but I don't know what to do as he is male. I know my partner won't like it. I have no romantic interest in this guy. I'm quite shy so I don't want to turn down the opportunity for new friendships. How can I create friendships with this guy, and other people, without causing grief with my partner?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 June 2015):
 It sounds to me like the problem lies with your partner. He opposes friendships you have with other males. This is a classical trait of controlling men, they isolate you and don't want you to meet other men, even if it is platonic friendships. They will also be against you having female friends, especially if the female friends are single. Does this sound like your boyfriend? In that case, be very careful.
When your friends don't like your new boyfriend, there's usually a reason for it. It's one thing if one friend just is off with him, but for none of your friend to like him? In fact be against you seeing him? And then for your boyfriend to tell you who you can and can't be friends with? That sounds like warning bells to me.
I think you are dating a controlling man with deeply rooted insecurities. And this is NOT something you can fix, mend or help with. If he is controlling, then no matter how you present it, he will be against you having a male friend. There will be nothing you can do about it.
I'll give you an example of what a normal guy would say about you having male friends: he'd say ok, have fun!
I am sure you know what you must do in order for a boyfriend to be okay with you having male friends. But I am also sure you've been doing these things, and it still didn't matter. Such as not flirt with them, not kiss them, not dance dirty with them, not sleep with them, not leave your boyfriend out and share inside jokes and thereby isolate your boyfriend etc. I am sure you know all these things, because normal people do not do them. Normally you know what is right and wrong when you're in a relationship. As long as you do not cross the line, then friendships with the opposite sex is okay.
But when a man is controlling he does not care if you are behaving properly. He will still accuse you of wanting more than friendship, he will accuse the man of wanting more than friendship etc. He will accuse you of cheating, and he will be insecure and accuse you for checking other guys out if you as much as look at another male while passing by. Even if it's a man you know! A controlling man will get in-proportionally jealous. And sadly, I think this is the sort of man you're dealing with.
If I am wrong, then just tell him you have a new friend and tell him his name and he'll be cool with it. If Im right, he'll blow up and accuse you. In which case I strongly urge you to end the relationship, as these men do not change. They only get worse.
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