A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am feeling really low at the moment. I am shortly to be made redundant from a job that I loved until fairly recently. It was a fixed term contract position in which the suggestion was that there could be a permanent job there if I stayed long enough. The cynical me would say it was just their way of keeping me baited until they no long needed me. In an attempt to seal the job, I worked myself into the ground and still no job offer was forthcoming. I was working over and above the call of duty, to the point where I made myself ill. I have done this before but unfortunately did not learn my lesson. Several examples of how poorly I was treated at work was that I was sent an e-mail about sending the team on a course, only to be told that I was the only member who wouldn’t be going because they had ‘run out of funding’. I think it was because they already knew they were getting rid of me, even though to this day no-one has sat me down to officially tell me my job is over (the first I knew of it was when my line manager was telling someone over the phone!). This is a small thing but something that really annoys me but I am the only person whose birthday has always been forgotton in the office. I am now on long term sick leave, feeling very depressed and not sure if I can go on. The problem is that few people understand or know what I am going through. My boyfriend, my sister, and my boyfriend’s mates all did really badly at school yet are far more successful than me in terms of working conditions, pay, happiness etc. My sister has always had everything just drop into her lap without working at it so I feel quite resentful of the fact that I have studied hard and gained nothing for it. I have always worked so hard at everything I have done, but I always seem to lose out. In fact, a local neighbour on hearing of my job loss commented that I have always been so unlucky in my jobs and poorly treated in them.I don’t know what it is going to take for me to feel worth something in the eyes of employers. I can’t seem to win. Employers are always saying they want people with experience, but never offer anyone the chance to gain it. I studied hard for 8 GCSEs, a diploma, a City and Guilds (while I was in full-time work), plus numerous other certificates. I was never able to get into my chosen profession despite my skills. I became disillusioned with it after I went for an interview only to be asked ‘how do we know you won’t leave to have children?’ Well that was 12 years ago and I still haven’t had children.Employers either seem to see me as way too over qualified for the jobs I am going for so think I am going to leave as soon as something better comes up or they see me as someone to take advantage of (great qualifications and skills for a totally rubbish wage). I have sometimes wondered if perhaps I am more qualified than the managers and they feel threatened by it!I have been struggling with very severe depression as a result of this. Even during the darkest times, I have done temping so that I do not become a burden on the state and claim benefits and will probably do so again for the minimum wage. This, to me, seems such a blatant waste of talent. In fact, at a job interview last week they seemed to suggest that the jobs I had in no way reflected my skills and I think this put them off. I am now facing the dole.My boyfriend and his friends have a really admirable strong work ethic but are not being as supportive as they could be. They had a couple of friends that they dropped because they were ‘wasters who scrounged off the state’ and I am worried they are going to think the same of me. I have only been going out with my boyfriend for nearly a year and for 4 months of that time I have been more or less unable to work because of ill health. I feel they do not know me well enough to know that I would not 'scrounge of the state'. I am still going for job interviews and will probably do temping work even though I do not feel mentally well enough to be working. I cannot afford private counselling. Please help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): A threat to society!!!!!!Good grief hunny I dont understand the way things work sometimes, If you need any help message me I hope those links help and you can start sorting your life out, Maybe once this job is out of the way and you have your confidence back you will be in a better frame of mind to go for another job that you really love and get satisfaction from, And no one is a waster everyone has a chance as everyone is different and we are all here to teach people something..Thats the way I look at life the old man on the park bench may have something really interesting to say, But no one will approch because he looks different!!!! You just never no who's got good insight, I believe that and have met many wonderfull people in my life...We are all here to learn something TAKE CARE HUNNY WITH LOTS OF LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): I am the original poster of the question. Thank you for your answers. They are very encouraging.
Apparently I am not entitled to redundancy because I am on a fixed term contract - the company just want you for the duration of the contract and then can sever it if they so chose with no entitlement to redundancy. My job will end and that will be it.
I used to get free counselling on the NHS, but sadly that ceased about 10 years ago in this area. Apparently free counselling on the NHS no longer exists unless you are considered a 'threat to society'.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): Hi Hunny
I really feel for situation, I worked really hard 12 15hrs a day private nursing no qualifications, I left school at 14 and went straight into hairdressing did this for 3 yrs then left as I was suffering depression, Then had my first child, Worked nights and really enjoyed my job and started to educate myself at home inbetween working and looking after my son, My sister works in finance and earns a huge wage and has always been the one that has had all the pats on the back. I carried on educating myself reading everything I could get my hands on, Had my second child and in between all this I had to deal with abuse from my husband and so it continued the depression. Catch 22 hunny, It didnt stop me as I have always had faith in me, I looked into getting my qualifications but as things stood there was not enough hrs in the day. So I worked privatly and had some wonderfull experiences that only I will no about, My boss gave me the job of being boss I interveiwed people did the books for the company as well as work my arse off and looked after my children...I have always done my best just as you have hunny, DONT LET OTHERS PULL YOU DOWN!!!!!!!!!EVER!!!!!!! You no how hard you work you no what your good points are and you no how very special you are as you have put everything into your job and life, Dont let the way others think get you down. When you feel so low there is only one way to go and that is up hunny...NEVER GIVE UP BELIVING IN YOU!!!!! I worked in a nursing home and I loved it the clients were the best thing about that job the older the wiser :} I learnt so much, The other nurses didnt have time to sit and talk but I made time because it was through them that gave me the strength to carry on...The trained staff came to me for help as they were not sure how to do something. Hunny I had to give up my job as I have a back injury but that hasnt stopped me believing in me. The very core of life is believing in yourself, It matters not what others think as its there blindness to your strength that is the weakness in the chain not yours...My sister will always show the attitude that she is better than me, But deep down she knows how hard Ive had it but she is of different nature to me she likes different things we get on sometimes I always try and she always trys to put me down but thats her insecurity not mine...Depression is a terrible illness that can affect any single one of us at any time in life, Im going to send you some links to help you hunny.....
http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/depression
http://www.womensselfesteem.com/index.html
http://advice7.com/emotions_feelings/confidence.html
You need to go to see your doctor and ask him to refere you to a counsellor so you have backup someone to vent to hunny, I dont live in the u.k but I think you can get this free through your g.p, And the most important thing here is to stop worrying about what others think and to start taking care of you love and getting you back building that self esteem up getting that confidence back and believing that you are very special...If you need a chat hunny then feel free to message me anytime Ive been there and come out alot stronger for it DONT GIVE UP!!!!!TAKE CARE OF YOU SWEETHEART WITH LOTS OF LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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