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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend, of approx 2 years, and I got into an argument about 2 months ago. I got angry with him, left the bar we were at, and went to another bar until 2:00 am when it closed. He beleives that I cheated on him that night. I did not. He continues to bring it up as if he badgers me enough, I will own up to cheating. It is making him crazing and making it where I can't stand it. I am starting to think that he is the one with the problem and I should break it off. What is your advice? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2006): In a serious, calm conversation he says that 9 times out of 10 he doesn't think that I would cheat on him. He says that sometimes he just has fear and doubt. I told him that I felt that the fear, doubt, and insecurity is within him. His previous wife of 17 years was cheating and ended the marraige.(That has been 5 years ago) I have warned that if he really doesn't trust me than he should not be with me and also that I don't want to be with someone who doesn't trust me. He also attributes the doubt because when we were first dating and going out, other men would often aproach me in front of him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2006): First of all, he has some serious trust issues. Trust is foundational and absolute in a healthy, committed relationship. A relationship without trust, even on the part of one partner, is shaky at best. Now...have you done anything that could legitimately be considered evidence that you have cheated or is he seeing evidence where there is none? If he is accusing you of cheating based on things that he cannot reasonably be considered evidence, then you do have a problem on your hands. Your partner is not behaving rationally. Added to that, it's been 2 months and he just won't let this go. I honestly think he wants to find an 'excuse' to end this relationship. Another thing, is sometimes, in situations where one partner is unrelenting in accusing the other, the accuser is looking for validation for they themselves may be cheating or thinking of it. It's the ole 'bait and switch' trick and it has broken up many relationships. I've seen this happen to couples. The accuser does this so they can say the demise of the relationship, was your fault. It's cruel, it's immature and petty. Stop him in his tracks. Don't tolerate this crap. You both need to have an open talk about trust, respect and honor. It appears he has forgotten those values. The best way through this is open communication...maturely and calmly. If he doesn't want to remain rational and continues the tirades...do you really need this stress and grief? You have some talking to do, hun and some big decisions to make. Good luck, dear.
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