A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey , i have a problem with a long distance realationship , so far me and my gf been together for over 2 years now , im australlian and shes british , we see eachother on and off usually on vacations, but lately she got a job (which shes quitting due to pressure) which made spending times with her alot more difficult , im a student so usually online for her 24/7 and after she got that job i barely see her , time i spend with her dropped drastically to the extent i felt like im begging her for attension instead of being ignored none stop on her workdays and on her days off , mostly she says shes watching TV or shows online , i could use any advice i feel like i am losing her and i dont know what to do . ty in advance everyone.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): arrange a time regularly which you can talk to her online and stick to that time every day. Oh and arrange a date when next to see her that would make her less stressed. but she is probably in job mode and you are in relationship mode. Always a annoyance in an LDR. Think about it this way she is working hard for your futures.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): Having been in a relatinship with a guy (english) who emigrated to Oz 3 years ago (I'm also english) it is the hardest deal imaginable to maintain a LDR. If I was not in love I would never ever go here again. It appears time that you both either made some more serious plans or commitments of time or you find people that can offer you what you need.
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A
female
reader, StephJayne  +, writes (8 July 2010):
 well, if i was you, i would tell her how you feel. Tell her that you're happy with her getting a job and that she's doing something that she loves, but you feel like your not getting any of her attention, like a boyfriend should. Having a long distance relationship is hard work, but it takes a strong, loving and determined couple to make it happen.
I don't live with my bf right now, we both live at different parts of the UK, but we are able to stay together and be strong.
Is there any way that you could go out to England to live with her? Or to be with her for a long time?
You may feel that you want her to come back to you, but if she is doing something that she loves, you would hate to take her away from that... unless she could do that where you are?
Just talk to her about how you feel, she will understand and respect you sharing how you feel.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 July 2010):
 If she is having a stressful job it is understandable that she wont have as much time left over for you. But she is quitting this job soon, so isn't that good? Then you can ask her if she thinks it would be good to find a new job that has better working hours so that she is able to maintain her relationship?
As for you, you say you are available 24/7. Why? Go out and do stuff. Sitting in front of the computer missing her 24/7 is sure going to make her appear further away than she already is. Every minute you spend online noticing she is NOT there, is making you depressed. So turn off that computer and go out and enjoy other things in life. This is a modern version of the old "waiting by the phone". Don't. Don't sit and wait. Schedule a time that you will meet her, and stick to your dates. After two years maybe you have forgotten how important scheduling and planning is in a LDR? Set up dates and times for when to meet. Do not sit online hoping to see her at any given time of the day. Live your own life! As soon as you start getting more active you will have less time to miss her, and be over all happier.
Then try to work out how to do this relationship if she doesn't have time for you. Obviously you can not go for longer periods of time without seeing each other, and she will have to step it up and meet the demands of her relationship as well.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): Get rid of her. Not worth it. You'd be happier being with someone you can actually spend time with. Not to mention you are insecure so you definitely need someone close.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): Get rid of her. Not worth the trouble.
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A
male
reader, 11muds11  +, writes (8 July 2010):
I think the problem here is that she is a girl. She needs intimate time one on one with her someone special with the person being next to her. I think a long distance relationship works when you are at a certain stage in that relationship and you have a definate date you will be together.
My suggestion is to realize that this is over for now and will probably not start up until you are both living in the same place. Even then, it's just a chance. I think you should write her a letter to apologize, and tell her that you understand that she only wants to be "friends". write her only when she writes back. Then go find a nice girl in your area. Maybe later if you are both in the same city there is a chance. But not if you continue to put pressure on her. Good luck.
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