A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello,Okay, here's the deal. I have this friend, let's just call her "Alice". So Alice has epilepsy because of a cyst on her spine she had as a child which has given her permanent nerve damage and a bad back. People often think she's retarded because of her poor motor skills and the funny way she has to walk because of her back problems, and also because she has trouble talking. She stutters and lisps, and doesn't really enunciate so it's hard to understand her sometimes. But it's not THAT bad, and she's getting better. This issue has gotten worse lately because, as we are 13, a lot of changes are taking place in her body and brain, meaning that she has to change her medication for her epilepsy. She's still in the process of switching to new meds, so she has a lot of absence seizures--not a full blown seizure; she just stops talking and doesn't hear people talking to her, and if she isn't sitting down, she'll start walking in random circles and stuff...and she forgets what she's doing...anyhow, so you can see how your typical junior high student would label her as a freak or as being retarded. But she really isn't--her PERSONALITY and everything is, you know, normal. I can understand her and everything so to me she seems just like any of my other friends.Anyways, that isn't really the point. The point is, because of all these issues, she doesn't have a lot of friends. I have to be there for her ALL THE TIME. When I couldn't go on the retreat with our church, she decided not to go, saying that she would have a terrible time without me there. I'm often busy, as I play several sports AND several instruments, and she gets really frustrated when I can't always be with her. I'm the only one she feels comfortable with outside of her family and some people she knows from church. So in some ways I'm flattered, but her friendship is becoming a burden. I used to love her to deaht; I mean, she's one of my best friends and has been for years. But lately, she's become more of a responsibility. She doesn't like me hanging out with my other friends because she feels like they don't let her participate so therefore she's left alone, but the truth is, she just won't open up and talk to them. My friends are nice and would not label her as stupid. But she just doesn't understand that. And I've realized lately that around her, I mold into what she wants me to be, which is becoming less and less my true self. I don't know what to do about this situation; it's just so stressful because a lot of my other friends get irritated about it too. I'm so sorry that this is unbelievably long, but as you can see this is a complicated problem...any responses really appreciated. Thank you so much.
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female
reader, crissy6288  +, writes (2 May 2009):
you really are a great best friend for staying with her through everything. I know it must get hard sometimes but your doing the right thing. Maybe if you tried to show her that your friends aren't going to judge her she'll trust them more but it will be really hard for her because she trusts you and that's what she is used to. Maybe hanging with her less would help her see that she doesn't need you as much as she thinks, I know it might seem mean to do it but sometimes it has to be done. I hope everything works out with you guys :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): First of all I think you are a wonderful girl for having such an open mind, and not worrying about popularity, ect, when it comes to being Alice's friend, like so many girls your age would.
Alice will be socially recluse, its just in the cards. Its touching that you believe so much in the goodwill of people, but unfortunately Alice will be harassed and picked on in her days. Its unavoidable.
She is clinging to you because you are a true friend and don't judge her. A commodity like that is extremely rare in her world. Bet that.
But, you must live your own life. Do not let her stifle you. By all means, visit her less, hang with her less. Do your activities and hang out with your other friends. You can still be Alice's friend and do all this. You just have to say learn to say "no" to her more. But saying that, you can still be her friend.
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