A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, im 16 and I'm really confused and i feel guilty. I'm female and i really really hate admitting this, but i'm attracted to my female cousin. She's thirteen but she looks years and years older,she looks older then me even.She's the only one I've confided in about my feelings towards women because shes very mature but young enough to be open minded.And nobody tell me that this is sick or anything, beacuse it's not its nature, and besides I'm already disgusted with myself. I mentioned this to her once,when we where mucking round and both really over excited and stupid, and i just kinda blurted it out, I suppose because at that ridiculous moment i thought it was funny. she didn't..she likes guys. She doesn't have a problem with me feeling for women. And I totally get why she was upset I would have been. I have always felt stupid about that, we have the type of friendship where we joke around a lot, like she's always saying Marry me!,be my lover! it's not just me it's everyone we say this stuff to. But because she always hanging out with me, its starting to freak out her parents. But the thing that really annoys me..is that she insists on being all cuddly like we were when we were young,this makes me so uncomfortable, or like whenever we talk about my being attracted to women, she starts holding my hands and cuddling me, and like sitting on me..totally oblivious to the fact that I consider her a woman..I just wish she wouldn't.It makes me want to never see her again, because I feel so guilty, I mean she shouldn't have to have someone she trusts so much think about her like that. But I don't no how to stop feeling like this. Im not emotionally interested in her ..i mean shes my cousin..eww! it's just that I'm attracted to her looks.She's very good looking and I hate that..I don't want to think of her like that..she has never, ever showed any interest in me like that, that would be very weird. And she doesn't have a clue about any of this.How affectionate she is with me does have me wondering on occasions,but when it comes down to it i really think she's being sentimental and babyish. It's wrong but sometimes I feel sad about this. I want to forget about this, but shes been around me my entire life. I can't just pretend she's not there. anyone no what I should do? How i should get past these feelings. sorry this was so long
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): I agree with the previous answer. As patronising as it may sound but you are only 16 years old and going through hormonal change.
She is only 13 years old and your cousin. If you do anything then it remains with you for the rest of your life and you CANNOT erase it from your memory.
My advice to you is that at least for the time being (say about 3-4 months) try to avoid her, and give your self physically and mentally space to think things through an allow your mind to settle. If your away from her then perhaps you may realise that it was simply a 'phase' or just mixed emotions. Dont worry, as strange as it may sound, these type of things are not uncommon.
Best of luck :)
A
female
reader, Miss Polly  +, writes (3 December 2009):
 First of all don't blame yourself for how you feel, yes you're interested in women but you're also 16 and she's 13.
I expect you're both hormonal because of your ages, especially your cousin, she's probably just getting to the stage where she's interested in boys and knows she's pretty and as a good friend to her and family member she sees you as someone safe to test the waters with, regardless of you being the same gender.
Seems you're very close so all I can advise is that you try and see her for what she is, which is a young girl, probably approaching somekind of adolescent confusion, who's still very much a child, who trusts you and who you mess around with.
Try and disregard your feelings and DON'T give them any ground, remember nothing could ever happen between you and you're a teenager with weird hormones floating around you daily.
You could maybe have a bit of a break from seeing her for a while, that way you can prepare for when you see her again and get yourself into the right mind.
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