A
female
age
30-35,
*ecelia2011
writes:I feel like I'm in dangerous and confusing territory here. I don't even know where to begin. Long story short I've been talking to a man online for 2 years. He is significantly older than me, about 24 years older ("he could be your father!" Yeah, I know.) Anyway, he is married and I have no doubt he loves his wife. But then he is giving me pictures of himself and asking for ones of me, talking about all the naughty things he wants to do to me etc. He even bought me lingerie. I'm not stupid, I know I am a piece of young ass in his eyes. I'm just confused. He and his wife split before, and now that he has her back, why is he doing this? It seems to me that when it's the second time around and you really love your wife you wouldn't stray right? Something just seems off to me. The other part of this confusing saga is the fact that he is married is a turn on for me. I think I'm screwed up. In any of the relationships I've had, I've always broken up with the guys. They never last longer than a couple months because I feel smothered. And dating guys my age makes me want to be sick. Recently there was a man I really liked for a long time, he was married as well and we definitely flirted. Nothing further though. I don't want to be that girl. But I can't help it. It's like I'm programmed to want the older, in a relationship/married men. Guys my age (like 18-22) just repulse me. I'm really confused, because even if I got the married men I liked, I still feel like I would want to run away from the relationship. I know this is a destructive path but I can't stop myself. Can someone please help me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2011): You're letting yourself develop a pattern of men... kinda like how some women keep going after bad boys. They stick to what they're familiar with. In your case, your thing is married men. How to break that cycle? Increase your social network and you'll have more options. Go out more, go to more social gatherings but try to stay away from stupid parties. The odds of finding a good guy at one of those is like Steven Seagal actually signing a film contract to do a romantic comedy with Taylor Lautner. Just wont happen :PBottom line: I think this guy is looking for attention and his emotions are all mixed up as he's back with his wife. He needs to figure himself out first and shouldn't catch you in the middle. A mature man would recognize that and sort it out, not include you in the process. Therefore, he doesn't have any consideration towards your emotions and as a result I feel he disrespects you. That said, I think it'd be best to block him completely from your life because of the potential toxicity he could bring. You're young, go out, enjoy life and be with your friends. This guy could possibly suck you into something bad and as young as you are I wouldn't like to see that happen. Best on this.
A
female
reader, Gherkinsaregrim  +, writes (7 May 2011):
I know how you feel with regards to older men but don't quite feel the same about wanting to be married as I'm normally there worrying that that are!I think the best thing to do to try and regulate yourself would be to see it from the wife's point of view. My mum and several other friends mums have been cheated on, it has actually driven one of my friends mums to alcoholism, several attempted suicides and rehab twice. I'm not saying you'll kill this woman by continuing or anything just that you could be involving yourself in a relationship that ends up having consequences really damaging to your conscience.
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