A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I really hope i dont offend any one so I appologies if I do. I am 38 years old and always had some sexual attraction to men. Its always been just sexual never wanted to date anyone that is. I dont want to be gay and in my family life it would not be acceptable. I am divorced and have a girl friend and a 6 year old daughter. I am in a good relationship and home but Im still wanting sexual contact with men. I dont want this and dont know what to do. I dont want to beleive your are what you are and if being gay works for you thats great but i need help. Its getting to the point thaty its hard for me to get erect with my girlfriend and she means the world to me.If your gonna preach "be who you are" than dont answere but if you have some advice that would help i would appriciate it.
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male
reader, Joe1212 +, writes (6 July 2015):
Same for me. Here is my story. As a kid would mess around with girls and discreetly guys. With girls it was a relationship but hard to get laid. With guys we just wanted the same thing to get off. Married for almost 30yrs now with kids. Thought I was done with the guy thing but find myself thinking about it even thou I have not acted on it. It's driving me crazy. Wife is very anti gay. Want to tell her but I love her and my kids very much and don't want to ruin it. I did not ask for these feelings it's hard to ignore them.
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (30 September 2010):
 Are you sexually attracted to girls too? Because if so then you could be bisexual. I don't really know what to say in terms of advice because you can't really "turn off" the sexual signals your brain gives you it's hardwired in. Honestly I think the best thing for you would be some sex counselling. It could be a fantasty thing in your head rather than an actual need and therapy could help give you tools to deal with it in a healthy and positive way that makes you feel good and happy.
Hope this helps
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A
female
reader, juliefofulie +, writes (30 September 2010):
 Funny. I just posted a similar query, but in the role of the girlfriend... You are not alone. There are many men who share your feelings who consider themselves straight, even when they're finding ways to meet up with other men. I don't think it's a happy life, though. Secrecy, lies, shame, guilt. No good for anyone. I guess my question to you would be to ask yourself why you "don't want this"? Judgment from family and friends? A whole paradigm shift of the world as you know it?And, what does your attraction to men consist of? Do you want to hug and kiss them? Do you want to be penetrated? Because if it's just the pleasure of being penetrated, which is a completely normal desire that MANY men have, then perhaps that's something you could introduce into your relationship with your girlfriend. If you're open and honest and respectful about your desires, she might just surprise you with her willingness to please you.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (30 September 2010):
 I know you didn't want to hear 'be true to yourself' but you will be happier if you do embrace that.
now to the advice you wanted..
There isn't an easy way to pretend to be someone you're not. Its going to be hard and you're not going to be sexually happy for the rest of your life if you pretend to be straight. In a way it will be easier for the rest of your life, you won't have to go through judgement of your family, friends, children, etc. You get to go through the motions, but you aren't really achieving what you deserve...true happiness.
I guess you could 'train' yourself to be attracted to girls, watching porn may help. Maybe if you have anal with your girlfriend that would help you out too. you could imagine you having sex with a guy during sex with your girlfriend but THAT IS NOT OKAY, really bad advice on my part...ya it will help you but you're not being fair to your girlfriend.
How would you feel if you were in a relationship with someone and didn't know they weren't attracted to you?
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