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female
age
51-59,
*racy32
writes: Please, I do need adviceI'm 32 and have been seeing my boyfriend for about 6 months. He is living with me, and we started out getting along fine, however more recently I have been noticing some serious problems (or what I perceive to be). He doesn't seem interested in sex, and I've tried to be understanding, but it's quite clear that we both have different sex drives. I'm very passionate and open to new things, and he seems more reserved and not overly interested. While I have talked to him and tried to understand him, he keeps assuring me it's not me and that he is in love with me, however it's hard not to take it personally.Second, I am starting to feel taken advantage of financially. I work hard 2 jobs, and make good money, and he is currently not working. He lives at my place, drives my car, and basically does what he wants. I do love him and want to see him happy, but I just feel that I'm not getting the same respect from him. When we get into an argument, he will curse at me, and then ignore me for days. He knows this hurts me so much cause I've been open and honest with him. I feel he puts up walls and he doesn't trust me. His last relationship ended with her cheating on him, and he is always worried that will happen again to him. I'm to the point that either he is going to trust,love, and respect me, or he should move on. Am I right in feeling this way? I just need some assurance
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money, move on, sex drive Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (9 January 2007):
 I see 3 issues here
1 After six months, for some patners if it is there on the plate, no rush required! On a more serious note, sex naturally slows down although six months is to soon. Perhaps he does not feel adequate at your level in many areas and this is giving him low libido. But if sex is important to you and you do not it to stay like this, you must reiterate to him how important it is to you and he needs to work at it.
2 The money issue,you are as much responsible as him to allow this situation to continue. You do not want to start resent him as it will confuse your feelings towards the relationship. By encouraging him to exercise by looking for a job asap will give him more energy and give him his own independence. Equal status and exercise also increases libido.
3 If you have not given him any reason to doubt you, he should not be punish you for somebody else's mistake, he needs to understand that as much hurt he felt it is in the past and he needs to learn to move on. Whilst you can be supportive towards him, your relationship is at stake if he does not learn to trust you. Talk to him and try to make him understand that you both can work at this and make things better.
Relationships are work in progress, need to be worked on and it is from the begining that standards are clearly defined. With strong communication, these issues can be worked on.
Good luck
A
female
reader, Reebe +, writes (8 January 2007):
 He seems to be reasurring you that he loves you so I don't think thats the problem, I think the problem is you feel taken advantage of, and that makes you feel resentful. He doesn't have a job right now and that can really lower someones spirits which can lead to a lower sex drive. You don't say whether he is actually seeking work? It sounds like he has gotten himself into a little rut which is why when you argue, he then sulks.
I would get a bit tougher on him you don't say how old he is, but I assume he's a similar age, If he's living in your house and drives your car then he probably thinks he doesn't need a job but i'm sure it's not doing his self confidence any good! Try talking to him again and say ou understand how he must be feeling and ask him if there's anything you can do to help, you may find that once he starts making his own money he will brighten up a bit and be more inclined to have sex and a more loving relationship.
Hope this helps Good Luck!
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