A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I want some other womens views about how sex is for them, please. I'm in a happy, long term relationship but I'm getting bored of sex! I know that women don't have to have an orgasm to make a baby so it's not as easy as it is for a guy but surely it should at least feel nice?! I mean, I see my partner, even when he's not coming, he's enjoying the sensation of making love, why don't I?I never come during intercourse or any sexual activity for that matter, I can only have an orgasm with my toys (with or without him there). I just don't get it: women go on saying "this guy was great in bed" but I don't get it. Once the original buzz of being with someone new or somewhere exciting is gone, I feel nothing more than when I put a tampon in!Please help, this is not just me is it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2007): I know exactly how you feel.
I am a 22 year old girl and have been with my partner for close to 4 years. I have never really enjoyed sex, and the guilt that I feel because of that overwhelmes me. He is not the only person I have had sex with, so it's not a case of being bored. Infact, I go out of my way to put off having sex, that we barely have sex once a month. I have orgasimed with him, we have found a position that works really well for me, but I still just don't seem to get that enjoyment out of it. Sometimes I feel that my body was just not made for it, and my poor partner is the one that suffers greatly. I would be more than happy to go 6 month without sex, but he would love it every 2 days.
I don't know what to do to make it more enjoyable, but I can say that you are not alone. I don't know if I will ever really enjoy sex.
A
female
reader, Reebe +, writes (8 January 2007):
 I think lilly223 has told you all the things you need to think about!
Try to relax and remember sex isn't just for baby making!
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A
female
reader, Lilly223  +, writes (8 January 2007):
 If you are able to orgasm with or with out him using your toys, then it makes sense that you should be able to orgasm while having sex minus the toys. It sounds to me like there may be a lack of communication going on here. Although you don't say whether it is him using the toys on you or whether it is you using the toys on yourself and he is simply present at the time, I will assume that you are taking command of the toys and he is watching. Have you tried allowing him to use the toys on you, and given him explicit instruction on what you need him to do to make "It" happen for you? If not, I really think you should try, ask him to pay attention to what you do when you use your toys on yourself, and then have him attempt it. Give him positive feedback. He will eventually learn what it is you need during sex to orgasm and will incorporate it in his love making style. I think it is a pretty common that sometimes "It" doesn't happen for us during intercourse alone, and sometimes we need a little extra help in that area. I have NOT met a man that I have been in a relationship with that wouldn't be willing to give this experiment a try. Many guys are turned on by being able to stimulate thier significant other in this way, and honestly it takes some of the physical pressure off them to be 'superheros' all the time. I'd also recommend you ask for a bit more foreplay (maybe some oral sex, manual stimulation, a lot of stroking and kissing, etc.) before having him dive right in with gusto. We certainly do need to be warmed up in order fully enjoy the process, and most guys are more than willing to give us this in order to see our response. It makes them feel special, powerful, and important in helping us achieve orgasm.
There may be more going on here than you are saying, like hurt feelings, resentment, or something deeper. I am taking your post at face value and assuming that this is not the case, but will state, if there is any underlying issues, I'd recommend getting them taken care of before expecting your sex life to turn around 100%. Conflict and relationship problems are a certain orgasm killer.
If the above suggestions do not work, please see your GP. They may be able to tell you of any physical, and/or hormonal problems you are having and correct the situation that way. I added the above as a side note because it sounds to me like this is not an issue if you can orgasm with your toys.
Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2007): No its not just you...i actually agree and dont know how to help as i am the same!...does anyone have any tips on how to make it more pleasurable for women....i find it hard to orgasm too
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