A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 25 have been with my 28 year old boyfriend for a total of 6 years, (we dated for 3 years, broke up for a year, and have now been back together for almost 3 years). Most of the relationship has been long distance, as I was going to school in a different state. I just finished college last winter, and we had been living together in our hometown for a year. I was working at a production job unrelated to my degree, just to pay the bills/student loans, although I did enjoy the work. My boyfriend does carpentry work and had been feeling very unfulfilled and unappreciated with his job in our hometown, and essentially stopped working for about 3 months. With him not working and me being so tired working all the time to pay the bills, I started going out more with friends from work, and my boyfriend and I started arguing a lot. Around that time we visited my boyfriend's sister who lives 4 hours south of us in a Very small farming town (population like 500 people). We ended up having a lot of fun that weekend, and my boyfriend got a job offer from one of his best friends and cousin, (a lot of his family lives in this town).On a bit of a whim, we decided to move down to this town his sister lives in, and have been living in a house here for 4 months. My boyfriend really enjoys his new carpentry job, it's just he and his cousin and he makes decent money also. I have been having a lot of trouble finding any work, much less any worthwhile work (something using my degree) since we have been here. I also do not enjoy living in such a small town, I feel isolated from culture and my friends. It is not somewhere that I want to live permanently. I have just recently been offered a job at the production plant that I used to work (back in our hometown, 4 hours away). It is a higher position with more responsibilities, benefits, and higher pay. I haven't talk to my boyfriend much about it, but I know that he does not want to move back, and is against me living in our hometown without him (I could live with my parents) as he thinks it would really damage our relationship. Right now I am working weekends at a Subway 15 miles away from where we live and my boyfriend has been talking about how buying the house we are currently renting might be a smart decision. I do not want to live in this town permanently much less buy a house. But I also love my boyfriend very much and now I don't know what to do. I feel like if I don't accept this position I will regret it later on in life. I don't want it to be five years from now and be 30 working at subway. Please Help Me!!! Any advice you could offer would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
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female
reader, sophisticated08 +, writes (23 February 2011):
 i think that you shouldnt just settle for anything... let alone your on happiness.. i know that you and your boyfriend have a lot of history together but if you are not unhappy then you need to talk to him about what is going on... right now i think that buying the house would be a burden on the both of yall... your not happy he seems to be doing pretty well at his job but i think that your happiness is what matters... i think the relationship would still work if you took the job i mean its more money so your boyfriend wouldnt have to work as hard.... i say take the job i mean it just makes more sense.... you need to be happy why live some where your not happy... go for the job dont not hesitate its the right choice....
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 February 2011):
 This is a big, big, big, choice. Regardless of how any one of us advises or throws our two cents in, this is a life-changing issue that only you can make.
Here's what I see. You've had him in your life for a total of 7 years. That should be more than enough time to determine what sort of future the two of you look forward to having. You already said once that there was a year in which the two of you broke up. Are those issues still there that caused the breakup? Could they crop up again?
My opinion is that you should go for the job. It doesn't look to me that your relationship and bond with this guy is as strong as it should be in order to risk your career to this degree. And, like you said, you have no friends or social network where you are now, and if the two of you break up again, where will that leave you?
I say that the two of you should part ways, cherish the memories, and close the chapter in your lives together.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 February 2011):
I would say, that aged 25 and given that you have this opportunity, you would do better to take the job. I also think that if you don't accept this job, you will feel crap if aged 30 you are still working at Subway when you know in your heart you don't want to.
You want this job.
You don't want to live in the town you are living in.
You are away from friends and such.
Three good reasons to take that chance with your career and live your own life. I don't see how your relationship could work out if you didn't take the job, and you just became more and more resentful. There are more men out there, but there very few career opportunities like the one you have been offered. Take the job.
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