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writes: I need your advice...I bet you all get sick of teenagers like me. I'm telling you this and asking for your advice because most of you are grown adults who have minds, and have been through it before and know what to do, or know what advice to give at least. Well, here goes...It all started many months ago. It was about July, and this girl called Laura (you may have heard me mention her before) and I were getting pretty close (this was this July just gone, when I was in Year 10, I'm now in Year 11). I'd known her ever since Year 7. We went out in Year 7, only for about a day. It was kind of a mess about. At the time I took it seriously and she didn't, she sent me a text the next day dumping me. I've had a thing for her ever since. We've been mates ever since. Not the best of mates, but we'll have an occassional chat every now and again. Anyway, we'd got pretty close recently and I was going round to hers and we were hanging around a lot. I asked her out on the last day of the school year, she said yes and I was having a brilliant time. The first month of us going out was brilliant. We'd hang out, have fun, have a laugh, do what couples normally do. I made so many good memories with her, I was loving life!She went to Cadets every Monday and Wednesday, I was fine with this. It kind of gave us a break, as I know sometimes seeing your girlfriend/boyfriend too much can sometimes cause hassle and that. We'd both done our work experience and broke up for the summer. She had planned to go on camp with Cadets in the summer holidays for a week. I wasn't looking forward to it but I took it on the chin - I knew it would be one of the hardest weeks of my life. She was going on a Saturday, and the day before we hung out at night and had a brilliant time. The best time. The Thursday before she went we both gave each other a letter which were both dead romantic, saying how much we loved each other and that. Anyway it was my birthday during the week she was on camp, I was disappointed but hey, what could I do? I had to accept it, and she gave me my card and present before she went. I kissed her goodbye for a week, and left her house in the darkness and took a long walk home, with a card in one hand, a present in the other and a big smile on my face. Later that Saturday she text me informing me she was there, so we were texting each other a little having a general chat. I phoned her up that night and tried having a chat, as we were extremely close in our relationship. She didn't seem that much interested in talking to me, so I quickly went off the phone thinking and knowing that she was too busy having fun with her friends! I was fine with this, and carried on with being bored. I was dreading the week as I know I'd be bored and missing her like crazy. Days slowly passed and my birthday came. My birthday was on the Wednesday, she was due back on the Saturday. I opened my gift and she'd brought me a Thornton's chocolate car, with "Happy birthday, love Laura xx" written on it. The card was huge and had love messages in them. She sent me a text that night saying "ring me if u like" so I rang her and she wished me happy birthday and asked me how my day had gone, I told her I missed her and loved her and she didn't say the same back. I knew something was up after that. I waited until she returned on the Saturday afternoon and I signed into MSN that night to see that she was already online, yet she hadn't told me that she had come back. She had a few lads names in her MSN name saying how she loved them and how much of a good time she had with them, I had a bit of a go at her because I was kind of angry at her due to her not being herself. I went that night and she was really tired, and didn't want to know me. I took it on the chin again and waited until the next day to see if she was any better. Unfortunately she wasn't, and again didn't pay much interest to me. There was a slight improvement, but not enough of one to make me any happier. I went around hers on Monday and again there was a little improvement. All those days she just kept going on and on about camp and the people she met, the lads in-particular. I was hurting. I was hurting bad. She had planned to get her hair dyed black on the Tuesday, so I didn't see her that day. She signed on early evening and I said I wanted to talk to her, but she didn't want to know. She went on Webcam to show me her hair and Luke Standall was there (her best mate, they've been best mates for donkeys years, but they flirt like hell. I always ignored it, or tried to.) so I knew she didn't want to know. So instead I said "look, you obviously dont wanna know" and I finished it. I blocked her, stopped, and thought what the fuck I had done. It must have been the right thing. Over the next one or two weeks we went up and down, nearly getting back together and then not. I hurt her big time afterwards because I was so angry, I just called her everything! She'd hurt me really bad, and I was angry so I did the same back. I know it wasn't the right thing to do, but I wasn't thinking at the time. I saw her a few weeks afterwards and she just gave me a bollocking and a lecture on why I dumped her - I was silent, and just ignored her. School rolled up and we were going up and down as usual. I kept having bad dreams and good dreams, about the good memories I had with her. Sometimes I was certain I did the right thing in finishing her, other times I did not. School's a bigger story. Since she treated me like she did, all my mates have started hating her. She gets enough shit off everyone at school anyway, without my mates doing it. But I can't stop my mates from doing it, we're a bunch of lads who love each other and stick by each other, no matter what. Over the past few weeks we've got close and we've both thought of asking each other out, but I've always stopped myself because of all that hurting happening again. Not to mention the shit I'd get at school because of going out with her, and the confusion and shit I'd get off my mates because they'd be wondering why the hell I was going back out with her. I still love her, I still wish I could relive that first month of us going out. It was amazing, the best time of my life. We were both commited and we both loved each other a lot. She still does to this day, and so do I. But there's something there that's saying to me "No Ben, don't do it". I went out last night with my mates and got a bit drunk, and kind of accidentally spitted out that I still loved her and wanted to go back out with her. So now we're getting close up again, and I don't know what to do. There are three other girls who like me, but I don't know them too well. Laura Moffatt (who's a totally different Laura) is Laura Greenfield's (my ex-girlfriend, the girl in question here) best friend. Moffatt helped us both through trying to get us back together, and has kind of been in the middle of our scraps and happy moments since we broke up. I don't know her too well, and she's not really my type. She's in my year and in a few of my lessons. Then there's a girl called Anabelle who I also don't know too well, but she's really funny and nice and last night while I was out she said she liked me. I didn't know how to react, so I hugged her and said "aww". Bit stupid I know, but on Friday night's we're always really hyped up or pissed, so I wasn't going to be a fool and believe her. Finally, there's Abbie. Abbie is very nice, she actually likes Status Quo too, and sometimes shouts me at school saying "Status Quo" lol. She's very nice looking and has a great personality. But she recently went out with one of my mates, Andy, and they didn't last five minutes. I hate relationships that last five minutes, as I'm a commited fella who likes the long relationships, you know? Anywho, me and Laura are in the same Maths and History lessons. I have to sit next to her in Maths as it's in the seating plan (what a f***ing coinsidence, huh?!). Sometimes it's been awkard yet other times it's been nice, and we've flirted like hell. I don't know what to do. I guess you could call me a bit lovesick in the sense that I don't think I'm going to be in love and have a relationship like I did with Laura again. It's hard for me to let go, but I'm trying my best. I'm much better than I was many weeks ago when I first finished her, much much better! But I want a long relationship, and I don't know whether to just leave Laura alone or go for her and try again. I'm someone who can't decide for himself, but that's being a teenager I guess. The only way is up, as they say...This is where you come in. Anything is no doubt helpful. I know it took the piss to read, but thanks for reading. It means a lot to me, and I hope you understood it. If you don't, let me know and I'll try and explain.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2006): Your letter was sad but I have to let you know it doesn't get any easier as you get older-I'm 26 and still get confused by men! It seems to me you should ignore everyone else's opinions and go with your feelings, it doesn't really affect them what you do, and after school you'll all lose touch anyway. Getting over exes is very hard, but it sounds to me like you dumped your girlfriend over possibly a few misunderstandings, maybe you should work out whether the 2 of you have another chance 1st
A
female
reader, anon2907  +, writes (8 October 2006):
 Hey Ben,
It sounds to me like you've been through a massive roller coaster of emotions, first falling in love, then breaking up the hard way. Ouch!
I think your question ultimately was whether to go for it with Laura again?? Well, is she in a relationship with someone else at the moment? It sounds like there are some other people around you could hang out with and have some fun. To start with you sound like you've got lots of supportive mates - perhaps too supportive if they're being nasty to Laura though! You could always tell them to back off. They're trying to protect you, but it's not going to do you any favours if you still like her.
What about the other girls? You could hang around with them and see how you get on. Abbie sounds like she's got stuff in common with you (and let's face it, how many kids your age like the Quo?!!) OK, so she went out with your mate, but maybe they found out quick that they weren't compatible. Just cos they only went out for 5 mins isn't such a bad thing. You said yourself you don't know her that well - maybe her and Andy didn't know each other than well either and it just didn't work out - as you say you're a teenager - this is normal dating at school stuff!!
There's no easy answers and I guess it depends how things work out for you - what happens with Laura at school and what happens with your mates and the other girls. You can message me if you like, I pick stuff up every now and again - or post again - there's lots of people on this site who'd be happy to help.
Good luck,
Anon2907
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A
female
reader, Katylouise +, writes (8 October 2006):
What youve had is a teenage romance and we all have them and we all would like them to last forever but they dont all last unfortuantely. When i read the part about your girlfriend ignoring you on MSN and speaking to other lads i straight away knew that she has moved on and quite frankly i think although you love her i think that you have both grown apart without really realising it. The mature thing for you to do would be to let her go and cherish the times you both had. Your very young to keep being in long term relationships take advice from a 22 year old woman and be single for a little while. I know that you like being with someone, dont we all but the single life is just what you need right now and another girl will eventually in time capture your heart when the time is right. Going from one relationship to another is not a good idea, it actually shows people that your afraid to be alone.
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