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female
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anonymous
writes:I want to advance in two creative fields, music and writing, but when I try to ask advice to males in those fields or send them my work, they often seem to think I'm trying to "come on" to them or make a pass or something. This isn't true, as I love my boyfriend even though things aren't perfect with him, love him with my full heart!I am too polite to just stick in the conversation, "oh, and my BOYFRIEND..." and yet these men to whom I'm trying to connect to, Ifeel close artistically to, but they don't see me as an artist. What should I say or do in these interactions to make them take me seriously? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2008): Oh. Now it makes a little more sense. Well musicians, actors and certain people in those industries tend to have big heads and they think that everybody wants them, in part because most people they come across DO want them. But the truth of the matter is that if you want people to take you seriously you are going to have to take yourself more seriously. Apparently these guys you are approaching know the industry well enough to know that serious-minded artists don't ask random musicians for advice. So why are you asking random people for advice?? Stop doing that. What are you trying to find out? If you are any good? What?? Unless he is your FRIEND and is interested in collaborating with you, why on earth do you think some random musician is going to help you??
It does sound like you have an agenda here. Every musician knows that the IMPORTANT people for you to reach out to are the labels and the producers. They are the ones who can actually help you get ahead. That is precisely why these musicians think you just want a piece of them. SO why are you wasting time with musicians who, to top it off, are treating you this way? Talk to people who actually matter, otherwise, it really does sound like you have an agenda.
Like I said, if you are interested in music, make a demo and send it to a label. And if anything try to make friends with producers and people behind the scenes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSamuraiRick and other Aunts,
No offense to DearCupid, but THEY came up with the "sex object" wording in the question!! That's not at all what I meant. These people (I think) don't see me as sexy, but as an unmarried lady who's trying to come on to them WHEN THEY
AREN'T interested, are taken, or whatever. You are right, I should mention my
boyfriend even it if seems tacky, it's just that, for example, one is a musician who's expressed interest in hearing some of my compositions and IS extremely handsome, but that is not why I want him to listen to my work, it's because he is
a very good composer and his feedback would be invaluable. But I feel so awkward because he IS handsome. In another world, I think I would be attracted to him, but. Does this make sense?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): Well who exactly are these people that you are asking advice from and sending your work too? Are they just random people you are meeting on the street?? Is he a record producer? Cause with so many discrimination and sexual harrassment laws in place in the workforce, I find it dubious that you are being discriminated against in this kind of setting. So it seems more plausible that these men you are "asking advice" from have absolutely no foot in the door in this kind of industry and are fooling you just to try to sleep with you.
I know this for a fact because I am a woman and I have had many friends who are musicians who I have made plans with to start bands with and projects with and something about this whole story just doesn't add up. And I know PLENTY of girls who are in both these industry's. This industry is not that sketchy.
First off, why do you want advice?? If you are a writer then start sending your work to local papers and periodicals. Start getting your work out. That's it. If you are a musician, start writing songs and putting a band and album together. Make a demo and send it to record labels. So simple. To me it seems so easy and why you are going through this seems beyond my comprehension.
Stop talking to dubious strangers and focus on your work. That's it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): Just a few ideas:
1)Write to them. Don't meet in person.
2)Focus on the advice you are seeking. Ignore any other comments.
3)You could try wearing a ring on wedding finger.
4)Try calling yourself Mrs.
5)Try changing your tact. Don't be in awe. Treat them as equal.
6)Maybe as an artist it's time to set off in your own direction. Most artists totally ignore the views of others.
Why ask - just do it.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (19 January 2008):
 I don’t think you should go so far to say these guys treat you like a sex object. Just because a guy flirts with you doesn’t mean he sees you only as a sex object. You could be attractive and look nice…but maybe they see something more in you that you don’t realize. When I see and talk to a girl I think I want to get to know, sure physicality comes into it, but there’s gotta be more. Maybe I like her smile. Maybe I like the way she interacts with others. I like the way she dresses (not just sexy, but tasteful). Maybe it’s in her artistry, like you have. If I like your artwork or writing, maybe I want to get to know the person who creates it. SO don’t take it all as guys just wanting to get in your pants. Sure in the back of our minds we probably do want to get close to you in THAT way, but real gentlemen show respect first. If you say you’re taken I would certainly respect that. And if I flirt with you, it’s also because I’m human. Don’t make too much of it. I know I don’t speak for every guy. But I speak for a lot of guys.
The previous posts are right. Just mention it in the conversation and all should be good.
Talk to me if you want. I am a fellow writer and an artist in many fields. I am currently writing my first in a series of novels, and I too could use some feedback of the feminine kind. This is not a come on. I am serious. So I would love to see what you have and give you some input as well.
I practice my writing skills on this site all the time. It’s partially why I'm here and a regular aunt since I found it. I like to entertain and enlighten and this is a cool place to do it.
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A
female
reader, XxAngelDust89xX +, writes (19 January 2008):
 It is rude NOT to mention your boyfriend. These men may not realize you are taken, and you are leading them on by not letting them know. If you are talking about art or showing them a painting or something just say "My boyfriend really likes this one". Just sublty let them know you are taken. I bet they will have some shocked looks on thier faces when you do!!
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, hello1  +, writes (18 January 2008):
 Its pretty easy actually, why can't you simply say I got a boyfreind or bring him into the conversation
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