A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a rut when it comes to guys. I'm always stuck in the " Friend Zone ". Every time I meet a nice guy we become friends and that's it! I don't even get a date with them. They all go for the fake looking girls and I,m not like that:(. I've been told off a few people that I,m attractive, funny and sweet but that doesn't seem to be what any man wants. How do you get out of the friend Zone? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, lakers_lover09  +, writes (12 December 2011):
Im a guy so take my advice it will help :) .. First, the friend zone is a bottomless pit. U dnt make it out. Once a guy commects with u as a friend and its genuine it is very hard to get out. U need to do ur best to establish a sensual connection upon meeting a man. Flirt! Be sexy! Let him kno tht u r attracted to him before he knows u as a friend. Attraction is alsays the first step to dating right? So show them u r attracted and dnt let em slip in tht friend zone :)
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 December 2011):
 I never land in the friend zone even when I try. Only a very few odd times have that happened. I think it's because Im a natural flirt and I smile and laugh a lot, so the guys who approach me tend to want more after a while. Not to sound conceited, but it's how it is. Then again I have a good radar for flirting, I can see it in the look of a mans eyes whether or not he wants to sleep with me or get further than friendship. We settle as "friends" when I reject their flirts firmly, although still subtle.
What I am guessing is that you don't flirt/know when someone flirts with you. You end up as a friend because you aren't good at reading the signs of whether or not you have a shot with a man, and what kind of relationship you can develop with him. When you look into his eyes while you talk you should be able to tell, after some observation.
Generalizing here, but still: When a man has a "sparkle" in his eyes and smiles at you, or teases you, glances over at you every so often etc, he wants more than friendship, but it could be just a sexual desire. When a man looks you directly in the eye while talking to you he is sincere and genuine, so if he does this, added with the sparkle and genuine interest to have you around, he is looking for something more serious with you. In these cases you need to RESPOND with flirting or the same keen interest, or else he will take it as you not being interested and move the relationship with you into the friendship box.
Most people when they meet someone new, unless they are already in a relationship, always check out the possibilities for a flirt/relationship with the new person. If you do not respond with flirting/interest then they will assume you aren't interested.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2011): You know when it comes to guys being stuck in the friend zone it's easy to solve, they just have to make moves early and not befriend people that they actually like.
Two things may be happening here:
1. They like you and you just don't get it. I know a hell of a lot of girls that don't know they're being pursued or chatted up unless the guy is very overt to the point of sleaziness but the smart guy will always treat it like a friendly chat. Any guy who suddenly starts spending a lot more time with you, starts sticking to you out of the blue is most likely interested and either waiting for the right moment or looking for signals from you of interest.
2. You're just not putting yourself out there enough or showing them you're interested. I get this all the time from girls, they have some mad impression that all you do is stand there and guys will magically do all the work. Those trashy bitches you talk about they flirt, they respond to talk, they show overt interest in a guy and the guys respond to that. They dress to impress and they exude confidence in a come and get me way. They make it easy for us to chat them up because they let us know they're interested.
We do want attractive, funny and sweet. But our sisters can be those things too and it's not like we'd date them. It's not enough to be those things alone, there are tonnes of girls out there with those qualities and at your age you're competing with the "'mon and I shift the face off ya for the craic" culture where we literally only have to look at girls to get them to kiss us. What sets you apart from them? What is it about you that is going to make us choose you out of the swathes of easy pickings around us?
OP we shouldn't have to "see past that" as the previous poster said, you should show us, you should display to us that you're open for business and you like the look of us.
You don't have to be trashy about it but you do have to make things happen and not just sit there waiting in hope. Because all you'll be then is the girl that becomes our friend who we have a mistaken drunken fondle with one night but aren't really that interested in because you don't ever display any kind of interest in us.
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