A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for over 11 years. It is my second marriage and his second marriage. He can be very ignorant and obnoxious to our friends, neighbors and family. He is this way with his family too, not just mine. He often thinks of himself before me, almost like he is still single. Because of this our friends, neighbors and family really don't like to be around him. He embarrasses me a lot also. There are many times that we could get into a huge fight when I try to talk to him about these issues, but I just hold back because he thinks that he is never wrong, or at least won't admit it. I always feel like I am the one at fault. People really have no problem telling me how they feel about him and it is putting so much pressure on me. I am always making up excuses for him and I am getting tired of it. It sounds like we should go to counseling, but I know that he will freak out that I am even suggesting it cause he feels nothing is wrong? URGH! What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 February 2012):
 Don’t make excuses… Don’t apologize.. Just nod and agree and say “I know I have to live with the jerk”
That’s what I do. Just know that his jerkiness is not a reflection on you.
He's not going to change...
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 February 2012):
 Did you guys date before you got married? I mean either he was able to hide and disguise his true nature the entire time you were dating up until the "I do's" or you just really, really wanted to get married no matter what. I agree with Honeypie, he's not going to change so either you accept it or you get away from it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 February 2012):
 As I see it, he was always like this, he will most likely never change. So, stop making excuses for him. If people tell you what an ass he he, tell them exactly how you feel, either yes my husband is obnoxious, but I'm not his mom and I don't control him - if I did he would behave much better I assure you.
If this is a constant thing, I would talk to him, though I'm not sure he would listen or even care.
He is an adult and need to own his actions, you can't own em.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): "What should I do?"
Stop making excuses for him and go to counselling by yourself.
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A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (7 February 2012):
 Well, if he can't play nice, then ban him from playing. Don't go out with him, go visit family and friends and exclude him. He'll start to pick up on that, without you having to hound at him. And if he notices and says something, that's when you can strike back and say "I don't like how you act in front of our family and friends, so I'd rather not put up with it. If you want to go out and hang out with them, you need to change the way you're acting before I go out with you again."
Prove that you have much more fun without him! I'm sure he'll get the picture then.
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