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female
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anonymous
writes: i suffer from ocd and it seems to get worse when i date someone i feel a compulsion to check if my partner is bein unfaithfull its just like the same feeling i get when i have to check if the door is locked etc please can anyone help me as i dont want to end up a lonley old cat lady. i know my partner is not unfaithfull but i cant help checking his phone etc i hate myself but i cant seem to stop Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2006): i have took medacation but it made me a different person im just gona have to try and beat this on my own thanks for the advice im in control of my mind ill just have to keep telling myself so.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2006): OK, this is my area of expertise. Let me star by saying I have decide to answer this as eddie. Originally I had the "anonymously" box checked off. I too have OCD and tend to worry about things, although I have it under control. I also had an experience similar to yours. I was concerned my wife liked another guy. Some guy sent her a drink one night at a bar, she told me all about it and I lost my mind. He was interested in her but she told him she was married etc. In the end, she said he was a really nice guy. Actually, she did like him. Not in a sexual way but he was interesting and friendly. But she loves me. As she said, "you're not the only person who's nice in this world. I know what is proper and what isn't." The truth is, she does. I was just scared. Because of my insecurities and many years of marriage, I felt threatened by him. She would never do anything to hurt me but it scared me. Maybe we took eachother for granted a little. Who knows. Everything was fine in our marriage but she talked highly about her vacation away and I imagined it was all because of this other man. I started to feel I didn't measure up. To say the least, I became very sad.This is how I ended up on this web site. It's really helped me. You see, you can't control people. You can't put them in a cage and plan how they react to certain situations. Love includes trust. You can't expect your partner will never talk to somebody of the opposite sex. You can't expect your partner not to be flattered by attention from a strange woman. You CAN expect him to be loyal though. He has to know what the boudaries are. Once he knows, it's up to HIM to stay within them. It's ot up to you to police him. We have to be realistic about rrelationships. We are in them because we choose to be with a particular person. There will always be another personout there who is better looking, richer, thinner etc. But that other person might not bring you soup in bed when you're sick. He can't sit around on a Sunday morning and remember the vacation you took 15 years ago. Relationships are huge and encompass many things. That's what makes them special, compared to a one night stand.We're all physical beings. When you decide though, to give yourself to another human being, for life, that makes it special.Try to look into your own issues. You already know you have OCD. That complicates things. Unless your guy has given you reason to doubt him, don't. It will drive you nuts. Afterall, he can never prove he DIDN'T do anything. You just have to expect that fact. If your man accused you of being attracted to a coworker, how could you prove you weren't? You couldn't. He would just have to trust you. As for me, I imagined many scary senarios and started to think they were all "likely" to have happened. If this was this way and that was that way, this MUST have been this way too. The OCD mind will always find another way to cause you to worry and create monsters where there are none. You will create one though through constent pestering and accusing you guy of being unfaithful.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (5 April 2006):
 You don't mention whether you are currently on any medication for your OCD. There are a number of medicines that can greatly relieve the symptoms of OCD. I would definitely consult with your physician and see what he can come up with for you.
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