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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi all,iam so distraught now.me and my boyfriend have been dating for five years on and off.the main problem was that we are in different locations.i decided to quit my high paying job to come to the same localities.the main problem we have is that he wants to do everything he says that instant.i really dont believe in sex before marriage and he said it was alright when we started dating. now he wants sex.he sends me on errands and i clean and cook his meal the instant he wants them he doesnt want to know i am tired or i have work or something to do.last night he hit me for the first time cos i didnt want sex.he also threatened me with a knife that he would cut me if i didnt oblige. i didnt and he decided to end our relationship. he said he was only playing and he didnt mean to hit me but he did that hard and i have some bruises. he said he doesnt want anything to do with me.i feel bad cos i feel i brought it on myself and i really do try to do everything he says. what do i do? should i give him what he wants and beg him to take me back. u see we have been through alot together. please help. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2006): First, any man who is pressuring you into sex/sexual acts before you are ready DOSE NOT respect or cherish you. A very close friend of mine, who also did not believe in sex before marrige, was pressured into it by her fiancee. She knew it would make him happy. She has hated herself ever since. Please learn from her.
Secondly, no one brings violence on themselves. Ever. He has no right to ever hit you, for any reason. He hit you because he is not in control of his own emotions and his own life. I would take this as a warning sign. If you stay with him, it will only reaffirm that he can hit and get what he wants. It also really concerns me that he has thretened you with a knife. He is displaying a lot of very common signs of an abuser, and I seriously doubt that things will get better with time.
It sounds like you have sacerficed a lot for this man, and have gotten little in return. If I were in your position, I would walk away.
There are so many wonderful men out there who want nothing more than to love, cherish and take care of someone special. You deserve so much better than a guy who is pressuring you into sex, who thretens you with a knife and who hits you.
All the best. I do hope that you are able to leave him.
A
female
reader, Danielle934 +, writes (5 April 2006):
 No matter what you have been through with this man it is DEFINETLY time for him to be out of your life forever! I know you must feel very said because you have tried hard at making the relationship work, but you need to get a hold of reality. This guy doesn’t deserve you. Even if he has never hit you before last night, once is more than enough... especially if he threatened you with a knife, there is no playing around when it comes to someone having a knife. You need to think about your future and what is best for you, and if you plan to have kids then you have to think about them too. What if "he doesn’t mean to hit you" while you are pregnant and the baby comes out retarded or dead...I’m sorry to tell you this but you really did bring this upon yourself because "You really do try and do everything he says". Once you let some people know they can always have their way, then they wont want anything else, which probably is why he ended your relationship. The next relationship that you go in to you need to speak you mind, and if your man wants something right then, and has no regard towards you being tired or busy then that is a sure sign you need to get rid of him at once because no deserves to be treated like that.
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reader, megz x-x +, writes (5 April 2006):
 some relationships can be work on, made better and fixed....not this one hunn. He crossed a line, a line that he can not turn back from. And he knows that (this is why he is being so appologetic)You need to get out of this relationship now! i know you think you can handle it but you cant. You obviously will fall right back under his thumb...he has already got you running errands for himplease dont sell yourself short!you are SO much better then that. Get out and find someone who gives you the respect you deserve
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2006): First of all you did not bring it on yourself! the problem is with him not you. No one has the right to force someone to do something against their wishes. If he cannot accept the fact that you want to wait till marriage before sex then he is not the one for you. This guy does not care about you. When you love someone, you take care of them, he is treating you like his personal slave. Don't let him take away from your self esteem, you need to just leave him let him deal with his own problems. It might take a while but its better to wait until someone comes along that will treat you with love, kindness and respect rather than put up with what he is dishing out. All the best
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