A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a long distance relationship. We only see each other about once a month. We've been together over 3 years.My boyfriend enjoys buying old cars from auctions, fixing them up, then reselling them. He has always brought his cars to a friend's auto body shop to get the cars worked on. However, recently he said he met a new guy who owns an auto body shop and he started taking his cars there. Initially I didn't think much of it, until about a month later, he started talking about a female receptionist who works at the auto body shop and what a wonderful job she does and things about her personally. I jokingly said 'wow you've been chatting with her quite a bit' and he said 'Oh yea cuz I was sitting there waiting for my car' Somehow, by his tone of voice, It raised a red flag, but I didn't let it bother me.Then I started to realize he goes there quite often to 'check up' on his car and only during times when she is working. He'd also bring lunch there saying he just wants to be nice to them cuz they're working on his car. There were times when I'd be on the phone with him and as soon as he arrives, I hear the girl's voice talking to him, giggling, and sweet and she is following him around as he is looking at his car and commenting and talking to him. Then he will remember I'm on the phone with him and he's say to me in our native language "Wifey, I'll call you back later". But he would not say it in English. I don't want to start assuming altho I'm sensing a few red flags and feeling uncomfortable about her. How can I best handle this situation?Thanks in advance for all your help!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 September 2016):
 Only seeing each other once a month must be very hard. If your gut is telling you something is wrong then maybe you should listen to it. Have you both spoke about when the long distance is going to be over? Have you both a plan. I think you both need to talk it through and see where the relationship is going.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (18 September 2016):
 I'm always an advocate of trusting your gut! If your gut is telling you something feels off, than something is probably, in fact, off.
As to what to do about it, your options are limited. You could be the overly possessive gf who forbids him from going there again. But that normally backfires and results in the person either going behind your back anyway and hiding it, or just telling you that you are crazy and that nothing is going on, all while building resentment towards you.
Option number two would be to ignore it completely and go on pretending like it doesn't bother you. All the while it eats at.you and drives you mad and builds until either you lash out at him and resent him, or he potentially leaves you for her.
Option number three would be to bring it up and mention how it makes you feel. This is clearly the best option. You can be calm and level headed while talking about this. Make mention that you have been feeling a bit uncomfortable with his new relationship with this woman and that you are a bit upset by it. Express to him calmly how it makes you feel. A man who loves you shouldn't respond in anger or resentment. He should understand and try to make you feel more secure. At this point, he should either end his relationship with her willingly (as you should be his number one priority), or drastically reduce the amount he sees her and interacts with her. If he responds angrily and turns it around on you as the jealous one, I'd really begin to get concerned.
I hope you find a solution and resolve this issue. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (18 September 2016):
 How long are the once a month visits? How long has it been like this? Have you stayed together any longer before? What are the plans on closing the distance?The reason I ask is because I can understand not being able to see each other more often; my boyfriend and I are in the same situation, but time spent together overall is important to judge your compatibility long-term. If you've only spent a weekend a month together (who visits who?) since early on, your relationship may be fairly weak.I'm not saying he is cheating or that he would cheat, but he's flirting and being disrespectful to you by randomly cutting you off. Next time you visit him (preferably asap), ask to see the car that's being worked on and see if you can spot the receptionist. If you can, introduce yourself and then she's definitely aware you exist. If he gets uncomfortable at the idea, reconsider your relationship.
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A
female
reader, malvern +, writes (18 September 2016):
 To be perfectly honest the fact that you have a long distance relationship and only see each other once a month raises a red flag in itself. What are you hoping for in the future? What are you doing the rest of the time when you don't see your boyfriend? I would tread very very carefully because you seem to be waiting for something that may never happen. Most men are attracted to any girl who shows an interest in them, they're flattered by it, and if you're only around once a month who knows what he's getting up to. Don't be so trusting. You need to see your boyfriend much more frequently because meeting on a once a month basis you are probably both on 'best behaviour' and neither of you gets to see the other as the person they really are. Sorry but I think you're being a bit naive. The situation between you both probably suits him more than it suits you so don't waste your life waiting around for your monthly meetings.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 September 2016):
 You can ask your boyfriend if he knows she's single and if she knows of your relationship. Is there a plan that you would close this distance and get married, and if yes is he excited about it? Just from your post there isn't enough going on to suggest that they would start an affair. In your phone conversations you mostly hear about this receptionist, when the focus should be on your own future together. No one would be satisfied with only once a month meetings indefinitely. If he doesn't cheat then at least he gets satisfaction from being close to her and being able to flirt. This is still disrespectful to you.
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