A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I’m on an online dating website and recently responded to an email from a guy who lives locally. He was very nice and down to earth in his email and unlike the rest of emails I get he didn’t ask for a photo (I don’t have one on my profile) but asked questions about me. We’ve so far exchanged quite a few emails and his are always much longer than mine. We went to the same university, him five years before me, we got the same degree and so far we’ve had lots to talk about through email. He now works about 1 minute from where I work and he’s given me his work email if I want to email him there. He’s educated, seems like a shy guy (told me that he’d be scared to approach me in real life haha), and has so far been interested in what I have to say rather than just the way I look (I have since sent him a photo). He’s now asked me out for coffee and initially I was going to say yes but now I don’t know what to do.The problem is that I don’t really find him physically attractive. No matter how nice he sounds and how educated and gentlemanly he is, I just can’t get over the fact that I’m not physically attracted to him. He’s not ugly or anything like that but I just don’t have that attraction to him.I know I’ve only seen a few photos of him and I know I’m being shallow when I say all this but should I even go out with him if I’m not that eager?I seem to keep dating guys who leave me as soon as I tell them I’m not having sex with them immediately but I’m very attracted to these guys. I know I’m being superficial and I’m getting what I ask for but I just can’t bring myself to date a nice guy to whom I’m not attracted.What should I do? He replies to my emails straight away and I haven’t emailed him for 4 days because I don’t know what to do. I almost feel like I want to have him as a friend but I know that he didn’t ask me out as friends only.I can’t make my mind up whether to go out and see what he’s really like or whether to just end this right now since I’m not overly attracted to him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): Tell him you just want to be friends and see if it is ok to meet up on that basis.
You might find that you do find him attractive after all, because from a photo you can't really tell. And if not, you can have a new friend.
A
female
reader, cindy888  +, writes (11 June 2009):
Meet him because sometimes pictures don't really capture the full person. You don't get chemistry over photos either or mannerisms. I'm thinking of all my ex boyfriends and if I had just seen a photo of them off the bat, I would never have guessed that they would have been my boyfriend. Meet the guy. It's better than spending tons of time on emails. With online dating, I think its always best to meet the person in a public place very early on before you get all involved before you even know much about them. What can you lose?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): Why don't you just..give him a chance? You know your own problems, superficial, shallow...and yet you don't know how good this could rly be. Sounds like you dont know what you rly want.
Don't make this a bigger deal than it needs to be, its really a simple matter to just...meet the guy for the first time. See if anything is there.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): Well that is up to you, but sometimes our attraction for a man doesn't happen until we get to know him better and often happens after the first kiss.
He may appeal to you more than you expect if you see him in person. Nothing ventured nothing gained. He isn't going to expect you to owe him another date if you aren't interested. Dating is supposed to be fun, so why not just agree to meet him for lunch or coffee, a short amount of time where both of you have a legitimate excuse to end the date early, that way there is no pressure to stay or have a kiss or anything like that. It is just a meet and greet and see what you both think. You never know, it may be him that isn't going to want to see you again!
Congrats on meeting so many men on line!
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