A
female
age
30-35,
*atherineFox
writes:I'm scared witless by the thoughts of having sex, i'm 17 and i've been going out with my first boyfriend for a time now, he is 22 and has much experience. i feel trapped and in some ways forced to have sex, but i feel like i'll would be hurting him if i don't, i love him and i know he likes me in kind but because he himself has had sexual experiences, he will of course seek to make love one day, he is a patient guy for which i am grateful, but i know that we all have only so much patience. i feel like i'm forced against my will and i recoil from the thought of sex, i'm frightened of what he might think of my body, i'm scared that it will hurt and i'll bleed... i don't know what to do, i don't want to make him feel neglected and sorts. can someone please help me.
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female
reader, Lauren.. +, writes (18 December 2008):
 Hi,you should really consider this carefully, because you do not want to lose your virginity when you are not ready to, because in the end, it will cause more pain than good, and in some cases regret. If you are feeling forced against your will to have sex, than maybe there are some issues with this guy that you need to talk through with him. If he likes you enough, than he has to understand that you are not ready, and that way, you will find out if it really is worth being with him. If he has a lack of understanding towards tyour feeling and needs, then maybe he isnt the right guy for you, and at least you will know that before losing your virginity to him. The conversation may be hard to have with this boy, but in the end, it will be worth the while because it will ease the worrying in your head more, and then you can lose your virginity when you feel ready to.There is no rush, and no need to do it because someone else wants to.Good Luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): He's 22, if he feels like his ____ is to hot to keep in his pants let him cool of somewhere else. You're 17 years old, he's 22. I repeat you are 17, he, is 22. Now I won't ask why he's not with someone a little older (maybe because he doesn't think i'd be as easy to take advantage of an older female (who knows his "game"), but IDK) You can't neglect him, because he's not your husband, therefore you have no personal duties to help him fulfill. And don't you even want ot have sex for the first time with someone who loves and emotionally and physically cares about you? If you got pregnant it would be him walking around with stretch marks, while the girls at locker E007 points and stares. Anndd if you got pregnant he's be on his way to jail (CLINK,CLINK) Sweetie if your not ready he shouldn't try to force you too. And if he is a decent guy wait a year or two (graduate with a degree) and by that time if he likes it (without the a** involved) and he's willing to put a ring on it (Beyonce wasn't lying) proving that he's the man you probably see him to be. Then have sex, and I'm telling you this to say (ooohhh you aren't married "devil child, devil child (Hairspray) I'm just saying if you make it clear to this guy (or any guy) that he won't be seeing your bedroom for a while, you can easily separate the boys (those who only have physically masculinity) from the real men (people you might actually (if you did get pregnant unexpectedly) want to be the father of your child. NEver have sex with a person you wouldn't want you future son or daughter to call daddy.
that's all I have to offer, hope it helps.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): This is why people aren't usually too thrilled about their 17yo daughter dating a 22yo man. This is a position that you should never have ended up dealing with in the first place. This is why age really does matter.
It's not your duty to take on the responsibilities and risks of sex before your time. It's his duty to accept his girlfriend for being 17. So hold out. The truth is that you're demonstrating emotional maturity when you hold out, not when you give in and sleep with him before you're ready.
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A
male
reader, eddie0513  +, writes (16 December 2008):
ill try to help u if u u feel like your not ready tell him and if he truly loves u hell understand u dont necessarily have to have sex with someone to show them you love them and if and when u talk to himand he gets mad that your not ready dump him hes not worth it youll find the right guy someday and youll know when u find him
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): You said he was patient right? Well then he will be happy to wait until you are ready.
Sex does often hurt a bit the first time, there's no getting away from that, but the negatives can be minimised - relax, use loob, make sure you're aroused, go slowly... as he has experience, he'll know what he's doing, so this is a big advantage!
Arousal tends to grow as the relationship progresses - one day it will just take it's natural course and it will happen, you can't just make it happen =]
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 December 2008):
 First off, you never want to lose your virginity just to please some one else, especially if you aren't feeling ready. Secondly, if this guy is worth his salt he will never pressure you into it. Not everyone is ready to have sex at the same age, place and time so relax you don't have to feel trapped. I know I wasn't ready to have sex at 17. When the time IS right you will know and will have none of these concerns. So try to just enjoy your budding relationship and don't worry about this big step, it will take care of itself when the time is right.
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