A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 27 years old and married for year and half. i am scared to have intercourse with my husband. he is a wonderful man and very patient and totally understands and i love him. i know it is not right to keep him waiting. also i surely want to have children one day. i try to see and read stuff that will help me sooth my nerves but only end up feeling puked and nauseated. y am i scared to have him inside me? i am at a loss. we have tried a few times before, although i am aroused and ready for him,the moment he tries, the fear comes back and i tighten up. even tried tampons.. but no use.. scared to insert that too. i feel helpless.. am i normal?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2010): I saw a show about this on Tyra Banks. http://tyrashow.warnerbros.com/2009/08/married_virgin_updates.php?page=1#comments
Its called vaginismus, and several of the women were able to get help with dialators and shots.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010): yes you are normal i was the same way as you but im not married my first time he fingered me so it wouldnt be that bad. when your about to do it try to thing of a happy place.
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A
female
reader, Rinkydink  +, writes (25 June 2010):
Hey I am so sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time. This sounds like a deep rooted psychological issue and you need to go to the doctor and get some help. HAve you heard of Vaginimus? (I think thats how its spelled). Its when you are unable to physically be penetrated, due to tightening of the vagina. Its a medical condition and can be helped.I am really thinking about you, but please get some help. You deserve a better life than living like this. Its not your fault, there is a medical issue, most likely that can be helped.I wish you all the best. Ignore unhelpful answers like people saying your husband is having sex with someone else! Your husband obviously loves you and will want to help you. Take care
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): Wow. I am sorry but this sounds contrived. I mean no one in their late 20's gets married and then waits for almost 2 years to consumate the marriage. If that is the case, then you need help somewhere other than this site.Go see a psychologist now. Do not wait. Go.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (25 June 2010):
 Is there some past trauma that has effected you in this way? I don't want to make is sound like there is something wrong with you, but at the same time this isn't exactly normal. And honestly, the longer you let it go the harder it is going to be on you mentally.
Normally I'd say just jump right in and just do it quickly just to get your first time over with, then from there you can focus on making it enjoyable.... however, if the anxiety you are describing is 100% accurate, then it sounds like there is something deeper there. Again, it could be something from your childhood, whether you know about it or not, or it could be something else. For this, I would recommend seeking professional help. You need to find the source of this apprehension so you can confront it and eventually overcome it.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (25 June 2010):
 Unfortunately, if the marriage isn't consumated, that you are not really married and your husband can get an annulment at any time. Please go and find a counsellor as soon as possible.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (25 June 2010):
You need to see a counsellor.. you are having a extreme fear reaction. I don't know why you are frightened, and neither do you. Speaking over your fears with a counsellor, especially one who specialises in sexual matters, will help you examine what your frightened off, and why you feel sick and nauseated.
It could be due to childhood trauma, you could be a lesbian in denial, you could have been brainwashed to think that sex is bad. I have no idea, you need an a lot of therapy.
Have you always felt this way, have you ever tried to have sexual intercourse? Do you and your husband try other sexual things like oral sex... Have you tried to look at pornography, does it make you feel sick. Do you feel any sexual desire for your husband, have you felt sexual desire before? Do you masterbate?
These are the kind of questions that need to be asked to find out what is going on in your head.
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A
female
reader, maxxie +, writes (25 June 2010):
 i feel a bit sorry for you. sex is wonderful, intimacy is lovely. feeling the man you love inside you is just... BLISS. and orgasms... ahh everything about sex. most of us lose our viginities around 15-20 i can't imagine being a virgin at 27! but from what i can see you have a deep issue, you need therapy. were you abused in your childhood? you are lucky to have a man that has been so patient with you, but most likely he is watching tons of porn or having sex with someone else on the side.
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