A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I was very much in love with a girl when I was in school. We dated during our last year of school together. We moved in together after graduation and went to the community college. unfortunately reality struck very hard. I got very sick. I was diagnosed with cancer and my prognosis was grim. There was a big chance that I wouldn't survive. I lied to her and told her I had pneumonia. I didn't want to put her through it and I didn't want her to remember me like that and I made the biggest mistake of my life and I broke up with her. I didn't even give her a real reason why. She did suspect that I was really sicker than I let on. It wasn't pretty. I flew across the country to stay with my grandparents while I was going through treatment. My parents moved as well and also my little sister. It's obvious of course that I survived. All the time I thought of her. After a few years I went back. I found out that she was married and I decided that I didn't want to hurt her any more so I didn't even go see her. Finally I wrote her a letter and I told her the truth. I didn't even get a response for about a year. She finally wrote me back and she said that she truly loved me and wished I had told her the truth back then. She said she was angry with me and that she had forgiven me. After all these years I still have feelings for her. I have never been married but I have had a serious relationship with another woman as well as a few women that I have dated but she was the one that I always thought of. I have just found out that she has just been through a horrible divorce. I don't want to take advantage of her situation while she is in a vulnerable state but I can't let her get away. Should I tell her how I feel and that I have been thinking of her all these years? I'm afraid that she won't want me back after the way I broke her heart. I don't know if I can handle the rejection.
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broke up, divorce, moved in Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): I asked the question:
I want to say that I'm feeling unfairly judged. I was young and confused and I was told that there was a very good chance that I would die. I knew that she loved me and I didn't want to put her through that. I did the wrong thing but I had good intentions. I know I broke her heart but my heart was broken too. I knew she married someone else and had someone else's kids. It's not easy knowing that the woman you love is sleeping with someone else. I feel like I need to tell her that I still love her right now. I'm afraid of being her rebound guy.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (6 August 2010):
 Congrats on overcoming cancer and being a survivor! U have overcame quite I feat and personally I think u can do anything even ask this woman out again. Hunnie u were given a second chance at life and let's not waste it! When u wrote her, she was probably still married, maybe things were a lil rough in her marriage and she probably didnt respond bc she didnt think it was right due to her marriage and to express her feelings for u..Eventually, she did write back and say she forgave u. A divorce is a horrible event to go through and she will need someone there in a time of need, I would be there for her if I were u but do tell her upfront that u love her thought about her all this time and u cant let her get away again. Tell her u want to work on getting back together but only to her terms, if she needs time u'll give it to her, if she needs u to help her through this downer in life then ur going to help her, and if she wants to take it as slow as possible then u'll respect that. Honestly, I have no doubt that she will take u back, bc u did what u thought was right by not worrying her and putting her through that grief in case u didnt make it. Plus, if she didnt want any contact with u or still love or care then she wouldnt have wrote back and said what she said. Go for it!
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A
female
reader, xAx  +, writes (6 August 2010):
 I don't think you should tell her how you feel as it will seem like you are taking her at her vulnerable stage. Give it a bit of time. But i do think you should be there for her and meet up. Get the sparks flowing again!..slowly! :P
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): hey buddy...dont rush..!!
Take time n try gettin close to her as a frnd 2 her first..!!
Try nd analyse if she is ready for another relationshp..!!!
Right now she needs a frnd more than a lover..!!
Help her get back on track n den take time 2 realize wat she feels of u now..!!!
If she has sumthin left in her for u den take ur chances..or else b there for her as a frnd..!!
GOOD LUCK Buddy
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A
female
reader, loopylynch +, writes (6 August 2010):
 Hi,
If i was her id want a 'friend' someone who would listen to me rant on about my divorce, someone i could trust, the last thing she is going to need is added feelings... just slowly get bk in touch... at the moment shes going to need support... after a few months you could see your friendship turning into more or it could just stay as friends... but every relationship should start with friendship anyway, it will make u stronger... let her tell you her problems instead of the other way round, if she appreciates you as a friend she will want to no about you and soon your conversations will turn to the past... this could take months, but you will be stronger/closer with a friendship 1st :) and if she doesnt want a relationship from it then its not really rejection, because you will have something thats just as good!! but if you feel that you cant seperate the 2 then maybe your no good for her or yourself, she doesnt need to be hurt anymore then she is and you no you dont either... good luck :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): I think you'll not rest until you find out the truth about her feelings. If it was meant to be all those years ago, then she'll come around. You may have missed your opportunity, but as far as being afraid of rejection is concerned - think of the pain you caused her after you got sick, and then again during her marriage. If you think you cannot have a meaningful relationship with another woman until you are over her, then you also owe it to yourself to find out. Just give her some time to mourn her marriage and hopefully you'll get the closure you seek!
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