A
female
age
36-40,
*hot
writes:Hello good people So I have been writing about my unplanned pregnancy with a gut that I barely know and denied the pregnancy and left me.Well he hasn't come back yet but I'm delighted to inform you that scary as it was I am HIV negetive I'm so happy and I feel I have been given another chance to a healthy long life. 2days back I saw a missed call from the guy responsible I tried to call back to find out what he wanted but I was so scared I dropped the call before it rang . I feel like this guy has caused me so much pain and the reason for the call was because he wanted to toture me some more by calling me names and denying the pregnancy all over again. He has never laid hands on me but I'm terrified of this man he is so hurtful and denying his child like that bruised me. So guys is it ok for me to ignore his calls and keep away as he had asked or should I call back amd ask what he wanted I'm beggining to be at peace with all this and I'm afraid he will re open the wounds, but what if he will be polite? Should I wait for him to call again or should I return his call
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2013): I think you'll be fine, there are some depraved evil people about, but there are also some wonderfully caring and good people too :) you're in a very difficult situation so remember not to be hard on yourself, something will come along... Love and take care of yourself and remember how special you are as an individual, most men aren't going to be worthy of you or deserve you, remember that :) xxx
A
female
reader, khot +, writes (31 May 2013):
khot is verified as being by the original poster of the question Trisha I meant I looked in to adoption not abortion sleep of the tongue
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A
female
reader, khot +, writes (31 May 2013):
khot is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTisha-1 thankyou for your advice, I went to church the pastor called both of us and asked the way foward what his plans were and he said he didn't trust this was his child "as usual" that he thot I slept around funny how he continued to touch me without a condom if he thot I was a bitch...anyway he put a sheep skin at the pastor's office and we had agreed to get a DNA before I give birth so that he knows the truth but when I called him to meet up and inform him of how much it cost he had told me he was busy and I asked to tell me when he was free but I never heard from him till a friend of mine had asked him why he went quiet and he had replied saying I was the one to contact him its not his duty to contact me if was waiting for his call I would wait forever (remember he blocked me I have to use another number to call him). Nway after such hurtful words I. Had decided to keep away and I informed the pastor but he. Also seemed not to know how else to force him. What hurts is that even though he did this to me he ddnt get any descipline from the church he is still in choir and acting like a good christian to others members, seeing him every sunday frustrated me so I stopped attending the church he is Nigerian the pastor is Nigerian so I felt a bit unfairly treated, the church did not offer me any support and I don't of its support group.Nway my family : my dad passed on left with mum and two sisters. My mum relies on me and my other sister for support and since I'm currently not working my sis is the one paying fees for my little sister, buying food for my mum and she is also pregnant my mum is not finacially stable and my sister is pulling hard as it is. I'm away from home and going back home broke and a fatherless child with no support will cause problems I haven't even told my family I'm pregnant I only have the support of one friend she tries her best but when the baby comes she won't be able to.I looked into abortion but they need a lot of things letter from the father and they say there is a fee I hv to pay if I want to stay there untill I deliver the baby, the people involved are not very coporative I think they have a lot of babies to gave away and thus they are swampedYah that's how it is Trisha but I'm so confident somehow that by the time I deliver something would have popped I don't know what but something I do stuff in my life but I believe there is a God in heaven.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (30 May 2013):
 In one of your previous posts, you mentioned that you attend church and that the pastors were now involved in this situation.
I think you should go to your pastor, ask him for some assistance, namely, that the pastor make the call to this man to see what he would like.
This way, you have made contact but through a mediator who is skilled at dealing with people.
I would also ask the church for help in getting you some support; many I'm familiar with have an outreach program for those in need.
In reading your questions and followups, you don't mention your family. Why is that?
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A
female
reader, khot +, writes (30 May 2013):
khot is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou sugarplum786, missaqua777 and anonymous for taking time to reply to my question.I am in South Africa and the DNA when stil pregnant test is very expensive when still pregnant so I will be able to it after I deliver that is if I can still get hold of him to do the test indeed I'm gona need his support financially coz I'm currently in a bad situation I took a risk by keeping the child I'm hoping a miracle will come up before I give birth but at this moment I cnt manage to raise a kid but I'm a gal of faith. sugar786 I totaly agree with you he is not worth it the words he said to me were so hurtful they brought me so down and Missaqua777 I really appreciate the link u sent me I will check it out and I hope I will be helped jus tht he is a foreigner he can leave the country any time and I jus wana try to cope with or without him and anonymous thankyou so much for your encouraging words. I won't contact him untill maybe after I give birth for DNA if he comes thank God however if he doesn't I won't be surprised. We as women really need to be careful who we give our bodies to, I have learnt my lesson and no man will get as easily I will make sure of it
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786 +, writes (29 May 2013):
 Hi, dont contact him, he needs to do all teh chasing and begging if he wants you back. If he does not either way you are better off without him in your life. Dont open old wounds, you sound like you have received a lot of insults frm this guy to last you a life time. He is just not worth it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2013): I don't know about the law in your country - but what the last post said about getting a DNA test is really important- if he's legally registered as the father he will surely by law have no choice, and have to help you financially.I googled child maintenance in South Africa, and got a few links:http://www.ehow.com/list_6856124_child-support-laws-south-africa.htmlCan you support yourself financially, have you got close family and friends you can surround yourself with? For emotional/ financial support as well as safety? You've good reason to never allow him to be part of your child's life,- but he just sounds psycho and I think it would be a safe idea to be straightforward with him, don't play any games with this piece of vileness, I think everything's safer and more legitimate if he's legally registered as the father.And would just like to stress that keeping close to friends/ family is especially important- for the reasons above. I hope you'll be ok, let know what happens :) Good luck and take care! :) Xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2013): I am happy for you that you have had a narrow escape... and become positive about the baby.
The baby's father has been incredibly insensitive and inconsiderate about the situation that I understand your reluctance to revisit that chapter.
He sounds immature and irresponsible but for the sake of the child I would keep contact open if the man chooses to play an active role.
Also get a DNA test as soon as you can and take him to court to pay child maintanance.
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