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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: hey:im 20 years old i have a boy friend and he love me alot and i love him so much the problem is that he said he wanna have sex with me well i want 2 have sex with him but i feel fear and horror of the sex even i love my boy friend and i wanna have sex with him i told him that i feel fear from sex and i said may be i need a doctor he said to me:((honey its ok i will be ur doctor and i will never hurt u and i will stop if u wanna me stop or if i hurt u or if u feel pain))I have been sexually harassed and I was seven years old and i didnt tell him i cant tell him.please i need ur help my boy friend is realy nice with me and i dont wanna lose him!!!with love alwayz sad :( Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): Sounds to me both you and your boyfriend need to honor your fears.
A totally cool friend would understand your fears and just chill out and never ask you to do something that, in yourcase, will worsen your condition.
Teach your boyfriend that sex with him will hurt you mentally and emotionally right now, and to be your friend by not pressuring you, and wait for you to signal you are ready.
In the meantime, get help to eliminate your issues from the seven years old intrusion you went through. Stay on that healing journey until you are ready.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 August 2010):
Hi,
I think maybe you need to take a step back from your boyfriend just for this moment. His reaction to you suggesting that you may need to see a doctor was a little immature and a bit cold. The idea of him 'being your doctor' when you've said you're scared and clearly have fears isn't a good sign that he's completely a great guy.
I actually agree with you, in the sense that you need to see someone and get all this out in the open. I think to get over this fear you need to tell someone, such as a counsellor, what happened to you so you can understand what happened and come to terms with it.
What you don't need is your boyfriend suggesting that he can make everything okay by just having sex anyway. That won't work.
You don't need to tell him what happened. You just need to say that you want to slow down and adjust to the idea, whilst talking it through with someone. If he leaves or gets angry, then he doesn't understand or care enough.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): Trust is the most important factor here. If u trust your bf alot and want it, do it. Im sorry for what happened to u before, it's soemthing that is hard to forget, but u have to understand that you are old enuff now, and sexual harrasement is different from having a sexual intercourse with someone u love. Im sure u love this guy alot, and if u trust him u can do it. First try to forget what happened to u,try to make this guy noe why u are hesistant. If he loves u alot, he will help u.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): if he loves you that much, he should understand. you dont need to be scared to tell him your true feelings about sex. but if he doesnt understand how hurt you were, then he isnt the right man for you.
i hope this helps
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