A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'll get right to the point: I'm a 24 y/o woman afraid of getting into a relationship and I'm afraid of sex. I want to deal with this problem before I hit my thirties. The question is, how to do it? Some backstory:- I've always been tremendously bullied. I have PDD-NOS and though I blend in well enough most of the time I have trouble with social situations that involve...well anything that means physical closeness, romance, etc. People at school have always told me I wasn't good enough and it's hard to get rid of that view. - I have...trouble downstairs. As a teen when I first got my period and my mom gave me tampons I was never able to get it right. It hurts to put my finger inside and tampons, I just can't get it in. This is holding me back from sex because I don't want a super painful experience. I also don't want to visit my doctor about this as he's quite rude and inconsiderate. He's basically the last person I want to admit to that I'm still a virgin. - The stupid thing is, when it comes to things like heights, snakes, spiders, jumps, acrobatics, I have never been afraid. I just went and did it. Landed backflips on grass on my first try, did dangerous stuff everyone else needs to work up the courage for first, etc. But when it comes to guys I'm a pansy. - I have body issues. I am in shape and I take care of myself but I'm always afraid a guy won't like how I look. I'm also afraid that when will like me less when he really gets to know me. I'm not a particularly interesting person. - I need time to properly get to know a guy before considering to date them. Anyway, I realize you guys aren't magicians, but some advice to start of the new year would be nice.
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female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (1 January 2012):
 If I'm not mistaken, I think the trouble downstairs is just a really thick hymen? Dont quote me on it, but that's what it sounds like to me...
As for being fearless with other things, good for you, I wish I was more like that! I can usually talk to guys who I dont see as a romantic interest pretty easily, because I just see them as a person, not as something that might lead to a relationship. Maybe you should try that? Just talk to a guy like you would talk to a girl, a friend. Dont talk about periods or bras, but just be yourself. Maybe if you're THAT bad at talking to guys, regardless of your feelings towards the guy, I'd say if you have any female friends with boyfriends, try talking to them as a friend, because that's obviously all they will be to you.
Also, get a new doctor. Doctors should not be rude to their patients! D:
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (1 January 2012):
 Don't worry so much about sex or serious relationships. Just first make good friends with a guy - allow it to start and develop over time - and all else will eventually follow. And find a nicer doctor.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2012): I personally think that you need to work on your own image...perhaps seek some counselling/therapy to work on the way you see yourself, and the way you react to social situations/intimacy.
I suggest this first because if you were to meet a caring, understanding person, you are still going to have these thoughts come into your mind often and it will cause stress and strain in the relationship as a whole...and probably make things more difficult and relationships should be fun!
Once you can get past how you feel about these fears and self image issues, you can learn to open up more with men.
Men, funnily enough do love sex, but they would never force a girl into doing it if the girl was completely honest from the start. 24 is not too old to be a virgin. I know of people in late 20s, even 30s who are still virgins. After they found the right person, and overcome some of their own fears they were able to move into wonderful relationships!
As for down below...its normal to tense up when something is being pushed up it (tampon). What you need to do is allow yourself to be touched there (whether its yourself, or in time a guy) and women actually find it more nicer to be touched around the area not automatically have a penis inserted. You will learn in time to relax and enjoy the feelings and movements that come with sexual/intimate stuff.
I do personally think you need to not worry about that and focus more on getting yourself past the fear of an actual relationship. Date some guys, take it slow and at your own pace and if things get too much, be polite and back off from the guy...hopefully an understanding guy will come along who will respect your fears. Good luck!
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