A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everybody. Happy New Year.I have a problem that's really getting to me. A few times recently I heard my older (30 yrs) brother tell my mother that I'm spoilt. I shrugged it of the first 2x I heard because I thought that it was silly to be seen that but after about the third time of hearing it on a random ocassion, I emailed my sister (35 yrs)and asked her. I'm 22 now by the way.To my greatest suprise she said "Yes" too because she claimed that as a child I always got what I wanted which I don't believe is true at all, if anything I never got anything I want. It upsets me so much because I'm an honest person, if you think I'm smart, dumb, moodie, lazy, boring, childish or anything like that and I actually believe its true I would admit to it but I'm hurt that that my siblings think I'm spoilt but I ended asking my best friend because I know that my siblings have a kind of resentment to me be apparently they think I was treated so wonderfully as a child and they weren't, "Prince Josh" as my sister described it once and "Golden Boy" as my brother once said. Even though I realise and our relationship is relatively good I try to ignore it (its not out in the open like "woah" but I'm not stupid I can detect some kind of jealously towards me at times) , because I didn't do anythiny wrong, I can't apologize for being born.My bestfriend also said "Yes" too and I was livid. She says she thinks so because I'm disrespectful to my mother, but I don't do it as a hobby or anything, my mother is a terrible person who insists on treating me and making me feel like crap 24/7 and I'm no angel, I'm human and I have feelings that she gets pleasure off hurting, so if she feels she should call me names and make fun of me and stuff then I don't have to be respectful because respect is a 2way street. My siblings have their moments with her too, she's a miserable and unhappy woman who wants you to sink to her level. Some off the things she says to me no mother should say to their child.I still don't think that makes me spoilt, that just means I have a bad relationship with my mom. I don't like her and I couldn't care less if she liked or even loved me back. I feel hurt beause I try to be a good and descent person, I'm caring giving, compassionate to others so its upsetting. Its like somebody calling you a theif or liar or terrosits when you know its not true, but you can't really do anything because that's how they percieve you. I don't really care what others think about me but this makes me very mad. Why would they call me something like that. Besides the whole teenage-like drama with my mother I can't think of anything that makes me think I'm bad in any way. How would you feel if 3 close people in your life called you something offensive? Do you guys really think I'm spoilt?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2012): "How would you feel if 3 close people in your life called you something offensive? "
Well if they were people who didn't know each other and thus 3 separate independent 'evaluations' of my character where they didn't talk behind my back because they dont' know even each other, then I would have to think they may be right about me.
But if the 3 of them were "in it together" then I woudln't put so much weight on it because it could just be them ganging up on you when only one of them has the opinion about you, or one of them influencing the other's opinions of you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2012): When I was growing up, I always thought that my parents favored my younger sister. She told me a few years ago that she always thought our parents favored me. Our perceptions of the same events were very different. Your siblings are similarly looking at your mother's behavior through the lenses of their feelings and experiences. So you can't necessarily give their pronouncements full weight. A person can be spoiled as a young child but outgrow it by adulthood. I'd be more concerned about your friend's opinion; but you can ask yourself a couple of questions to help you sort it out. I would consider an adult to be spoiled if he or she is perfectly capable of supporting himself or herself but doesn't try to live within his/her means and depends on parents (or others) to pay part or all of normal living expenses. Expecting parents to pay for expensive cars, hobbies, or restaurant meals = spoiled.Adults who expect everything to go their way all the time, and who behave immaturely when they cannot control everything, can also come across as spoiled.If neither of these describes you, then you are not spoiled.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2012): I can't prove that I wrote this question but all I can say is I did.I'd just like to clear up a few things with."Mr Anoynomos 14 year old"You gave me advice and I thank you for it but I really don't like your tone, don't direct the jealously you have towards an 8 year to me. If you have issues go talk it over with your parents.As for my mother. I have a abusive parent she doesn't slap me around but it seems as if you'd prefer that to accept her as being abusive. You don't know who I am and the life I've lived.PS "spoiled" and "spoilt" are the past tense of "spoil". "Spoilt" is more common in Britain while "Spoiled" is more common in the United States and Canada. Please don't insult my intelligence.I thank you again for your input.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2012): The youngest is always spoiled. You might be kind and down to earth, but that doesn't mean you weren't given things your siblings didn't. For my communion, i got a bible. For his communion, my youngest brother (the baby) got a bike. Any 8 year old would rather have a bike! I think he's babied way too much and so does my older sister. You might not see it, but everyone else does. The fact that you're flipping out over someone pointing out how you were raised (by a woman you claim to dislike. Which i doubt. You can't hate your mom, no matter how messed up) shows you are used to constant love, compliments, and aren't used to the truth. Lets not forget you said "Besides the whole teenage-like drama with my mother I can't think of anything that makes me think I'm bad in any way". Ok, i'm 14 and 3/4, and that is the biggest pieve of bull i have ever heard. Yes there are things wrong with you! You are not perfect! That shows how spoiled you are right there! And its not "spoilt". Its "spoiled"! You have many flaws and honestly are acting like a huge baby. Grow a pair and learn to deal with your flaws! And respect your mother! She might be mean and hurtful, but she carried you for 9 painful months and raised you. Jeez, you are spoiled and this entire post got on my nerves. We all have flaws, deal with it!
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns +, writes (1 January 2012):
 Let me tell you a few things...older siblings are usually jealous of their younger siblings. Parents usually become better off financially as time goes by, so it seems to reason that if you have a child at 21 when you're two struggling kids yourself, that child will grow up with very little luxury. Fast forward to age 33 when you've had child #3 now both parents are possibly working, they've learned how to manage their finances (hopefully) so the third child gets the benefits. Of course you don't see it because you only know what your experiences have taught you. Your older siblings though, remember doing without and seeing you get the toys and things they never had. It's not your fault. But it's very common in families. So of course your brother and siste thinks you are spoiled. Now add this to the equation; if you are still living at home (you didn't really clarify this part so I'm guessing) then you are still be supported financially by your parents. Do you even have a job and some responsibility? Because if not, you should be able to understand why you are being accused of being spoiled. Once you get out on you own, get a job, your own apartment and start living you life like an adult, you will probably earn the respect of you olde siblings or at least some of it. As for the drama you have with your Mom. Perhaps she too resents the fact that you are 22 and still living at home when you should be out of the nest taking care of yourself by now. This does not give he the excuse to treat you badly, and perhaps she has he own issues. But if you moved out she would do less damage to you self esteem than being under foot all the time. Good luck.
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