A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've divorced my husband of 22 years. I'm afraid of being on my own and so desperate to find another man to fill the empty space. I've met this man 18 years my senior while I was divorcing my husband. Dating him makes me feel much better that I can forget about my divorce. He is much older than me and I feel like we are living in a different world sometimes. He is very fond of me but I do not know am I doing the right thing. Please advise.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): If you can maintain your sense of self being with him then fine.... enjoy his company. Just keep things ticking along and be sure to tell him you like things to be casual as you need space and time for yourself too. If you get companionship or some joy being with this man don't be hard on yourself. The main thing is to not replace one bad relationship with another. Make sure you develop your own social network and interests so he is not 'your life'. This is a great time to re-discover yourself - make the most of it!
A
female
reader, Twirly +, writes (3 April 2008):
 Hi Sweetie
I really feel for you and my advice would be to have some time to yourself before rushing into anything too serious.
I think if you do that, and have some time to enjoy being your own person rather than half of couple, it will really help you to develop inner strength and independence. You could continue to date your new chap, I don't think the age difference matters a jot by the way, but treat yourself to some time for yourself, you will almost certainly enjoy it and it will be so good for you!
My Mum is single now, and has lots of single friends and enjoys a great social life. However, she too went through a phase of thinking perhaps she needed a man, just so she wouldn't be on her own, but after seeing friends of hers get together with men for the wrong reasons she decided to wait and take her time, and she has blossomed so much as a person as a result.
Being with a partner because you feel you 'need' one isn't healthy, it's much better to be with a partner because you want them!
Good luck and please don't worry xx
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (3 April 2008):
 Sorry to be blunt about this but NO you are living in a dream world if you think you can come out of one relationship and go straight into another one right away.
I was with my ex for almost 20 years and although we were not married we felt like we were and we had a child together so we were as good as married.
My ex did not stay alone but I chose to and I think it has taken me a long time to get over my relationship.
My dad was very ill after our break up and I just needed to find myself again and after my dad died last February I have taken time to grieve and now I am starting to feel like I want someone in my life again so my situation is different to yours but I do think you need to find the single woman that is you in all of this.
By having an older man to support you and make you feel good about yourself is not the only answer you know.
Why did you find an older man, have you questioned that yourself?
If you feel that you have a lot of differences and as you say you feel like you are living in different worlds then you are already questioning this relationship.
Give yourself some time as when we come out of a long term relationship we actually have a period of grieving, not the same as the loss of a loved one through death but for the relationship that we thought would last and go on.
You need some time to do that and bolstering yourself with this other man i.e. another in line before the first one was out I don't personally see as the answer.
You need to think about what you want out of life as we are only here once and you are not dead and buried just yet so think about what life could offer to you right now and don't settle for second best.
If you change your attitude believe me you could get whatever you wanted in life and be much happier for it.
Always here and as every other aunt and uncle is to.
BFN
Country Woman
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): Hi Hunny
You are going through a grieving period hunny 22yrs is along time sweetheart its not easy at any stage but the longer you have been with someone you will feel the void so much more love...Im going to send you some links to help you get your confidence and selfesteem back as this can take a huge nose dive when going through this pain...
http://www.womansdivorce.com/self-esteem.html
http://www.womensselfesteem.com/index.html
I can understand why you would want the company hunny and there is nothing wrong with this, if you want this man as a friend more than a partner then you should explain the reasons why to him hunny, If you are quite happy with him then thats fine no probs as long as you dont feel pressured, Things will feel different as you have been with the same person for so long its strange to be with someone with different ways but thats not a bad thing. I hope these links help and I hope things get better for you very soon hunny TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, Amber90  +, writes (3 April 2008):
If I were you. I'd make myself stronger by staying alone and finding my own entertainment sources. You should feel strong and confident enough to handle everthing on your own. You don't need anybody all you need is self-esteem and confidence. Work on yourself eat healthy, exercise and meditate and watch the improvemnet. No hurry there are a lot of guys around and I'm sure you don't want to go through a divorse again so think about it he is 18 years senior yah ! so watch your steps lady no offense. Good luck in what ever decision you take but you are strong enough to survive all on your own and you don't have any empty spaces in your life I assure you. Ask me more if u want to if I can make a difference in your life I will be more than happy Lots of love :)
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