A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I love my boyfriend of 3 years and while we've had our ups and downs, we have really gotten to a good place. He is much more open and affectionate with me and I am more calm around him and this has befitted the relationship hugely. We will get married and start a family next year.My issue is that I am a very distrustful person. Of everyone and everything. I've been seeing a psychologist for 5/6 weeks who has picked apart my childhood. I'm just beginning to think this is just who I am. I don't want to be this way. I know my boyfriend adores and loves me. He now goes to such efforts to take care of my emotional needs because he knows I need it. So why do I still think the worst? I usually just have in my head that he is obsessed with other women or looking for an affair. RATIONALLY I know this isn't true or even physically possible for him right now. But it's still in my head. Why can't I believe my rational thought????
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (2 May 2015):
 Print out a copy of this submittal and bring it to your next session with your counsellor......
Good luck....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2015): Well, you can't really marry someone you don't trust, and I doubt a man is going to devote his life to someone always afraid he's up to no good. I'm pretty sure over your life-time you've experienced cheating and being cheated on; but you're forgetting you're as human as anyone else, and there are other ways to hurt people rather than cheating on them. Like making them feel like they're monsters waiting to cheat on you. Centering all the attention on your insecurities, and making his feelings secondary to your own.
Your counseling will definitely help, but it's still going to come-down to your own self-control and personal effort to overcome your unsubstantiated-fears. You have to do the work. The repair-work is done from the inside. The success of your relationship depends on it. He may handle it well for now, but everyone has a breaking-point.
Men and women cheat. Men don't corner the market on that. You are just as capable of being unfaithful and inflicting as much harm on him. Nothing is as frustrating and irritating as going out of your way to earn someone's trust, who refuses to give it to you. What kind of marriage and family will survive that kind of environment?
I think in time with your counseling you'll learn that you are worthy of love, you truly deserve it, and you're as desirable to him as anyone else can be. You've probably made a few bad choices in the past, and they left scars on you. Don't put a man who loves you through that hell. It is hell, and if that's what he gets in return for loving you; I hope you both think long and hard before going as far as marriage and starting a family.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 May 2015):
 It's a viscous cycle of fearing he would cheat then worrying your paranoia would drive him away. Your boyfriend understands you have this condition so he's probably used to it and won't react so much whenever you have doubts. As long as you don't accuse him or attack him based on what your mind tells you the relationship would be fine. A calm person who looks for the best in everyone would have compassion for you and wish that your mind would get healthier. Instead of asking why can't you believe your rational thought, affirm by saying from now on you believe your rational thought. Always remind yourself that he is a good person, and your relationship has only gotten better.
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