A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Got a difficult question. I have been with my girlfriend for about 4 years but we have different mentalities. She is set on monogamy and I have a bad fetish of watching her be intimate with other males. I don't mean different males every time, I just like watching her with another guy. After long talks I convinced her to try this and we tried 3 times unsuccessful. The guys did not last and the experience was akward. Then she told me she was more comfortable with a guy she knew so she suggested her ex. We went ahead and contacted him and he came over and had sex with her while I watched. We both thought it was great. She really enjoyed how he performed and I enjoyed watching her have fun. Anyways, I really want this kind of stuff on a regular basis but my girlfriend thinks it's gross and never wants to try it again. She is a type of woman I want to marry (and will marry within a year) but I fear I will always have that cuckold/swinger fetish that will get on the way and ruin our beautiful relationship. Leaving her for a swinger is not an option because I love this woman. I just don't know how to get my urges under control. The urges for this cuckold experience is very strong. I am not interested in other women or cheating, only interested in watching her be intimate. If you have any tips or ideas or any opinions on this please respond. Only thing I ask is that you don't try to shame me or humiliate me for my weird fetish. Thank you all. Hope you respond
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Euphoria30  +, writes (1 July 2015):
Dear OP,
I think the problem with your particular cuckold fetish is, that it seems you wouldn't be happy even if it came true.
Because, as it happened with her ex, what turns you on also makes you feel jealous, insecure, inferior etc. and even if your partner was into it, those feelings might occur again.
My question would be, how this fetish developed? And how would you feel if you saw yourself having sex with your gf, for instance on a sex tape, or in a mirror.. would it also turn you on? Sorry if that's a stupid question, but I was just wondering what it is.. the visual thing of seeing the sex act, or the fact that it's another man?
A
male
reader, Allenwhite +, writes (30 June 2015):
I can't blame you. It is a very strong urge.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2015): I have the same fetish. A guy had actually lived with us earlier in our marriage. I didn't know he was doing my wife until I walked in on her giving him a blowjob. My reaction back then was anger but as I have grown older it began to turn me on. I have spoken with him a few times on facebook. I would love to converse with him about our bull/cuckold relationship but am to shy to ask him.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 June 2015):
 You're looking for expertise in open relationships? We do have some aunts here who have that. However, your girlfriend doesn't want an open relationship, so that's not really at issue here. She wants monogamy. You are the one pushing her to have sex with others.
So did you actually go find a therapist, and then found out how much it costs? Or did you just hear they are expensive.
P.S. Divorce is very very expensive. So I've heard.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat is what I am doing now. Seeking help. This is step one for me. Sex therapist are VERY expensive and I was hoping someone with experience in the open relationships would give me insight. And i told her about a year into our relationship. She would randomly think it's sexy but then she would turn around the next day and say it is gross and disgusting.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 June 2015):
And if you have not made it clear to her that you have this fetish, it's time to tell her. You've kept it secret for 4 years and you are presumably planning a wedding? Not cool, dude, not cool.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 June 2015):
You've always had this fetish and were not honest with her? Hm.
You didn't comment on my advice to seek a specialist in sex therapy. If you are madly in love with her, why wouldn't you get help for something you know will ruin the relationship?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMaking her do something she doesn't want to is not part of the fetish. I did not tell her when I met her because I didn't want her to think I was a freak or sick pervert. But now 4 years down the road I am madly in love with her but my fantasies are ruining our relationship. I don't want to leave her but at the same time it is taking a toll on our sex life. It would be way easier if she was a swinger but she isnt. Was wondering if there is ways to learn how to supress these emotions to where I can be happy in a monogamous relationship without constantly fantasizing of her being with other men. It also makes me feel bad because it is to the point that if a random guy would hit on her and grope her in public it would be more of a turn on rather than make me angry. Strange things turn me on and it scares me. For example when her ex boyfriend had sex with her infront of me he lasted like 45 minutes and he was thrusting hard making her moan hard and she was making faces of pleasure she hasn't made with me in a long time. This made me jelous considering I last less than 10 minutes and can't go as hard as he can. She told me her ex made her vagina sore from how hard he was banging her and she enjoyed it. Like I said this made me jelous because he did her better than me but at the same time it is a huge turn on. Either way she doesn't want to ever try it again and I don't know how to just "forget" my desires of watching her with her ex again
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMaking her do something she doesn't want to is not part of the fetish. I did not tell her when I met her because I didn't want her to think I was a freak or sick pervert. But now 4 years down the road I am madly in love with her but my fantasies are ruining our relationship. I don't want to leave her but at the same time it is taking a toll on our sex life
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 June 2015):
I think you two fundamentally are not sexually compatible.
Your fetish is very strong, and involves bringing others into your bedroom. She's tried it, it's not for her, so it's now off the sexual menu forever in your relationship.
I don't know why a swinger would be objectionable to you? Unless part of the fetish is making your partner do something generally considered cheating or taboo? So if your partner was willing and in fact wanted to have sex with other men, would that diminish the erotic charge for you?
You do have a tough choice ahead. As you've been with her for 4 years and seem very open, and she is clear about her decision to not do it again, how has your sex life fared.
As I understand it, a sexual fetish means that the fetish act or object has to be included in sexual encounters, otherwise the person with the fetish isn't able to reach satisfaction.
Is that your situation? Do you have to fantasize or pretend the cuckolding is happening in order to enjoy sex?
If you really want to salvage your relationship, which if you press on this, is iffy at best, go see a psychiatrist or psychologist with expertise in sex therapy. You'll be able to work through the issues that you face in a healing and therapeutic environment.
Good luck!
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