A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Sorry this is long- but I really want to give you a clear picture of teh situation so you can help me! My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for 8 months now and I have fallen in love with him. He tells me he loves me too and I feel like he means it! When we're together we are so happy, he is kind and sweet and we have been living together for 2 months now. After not having a serious relationship for 4 years it is like I have fallen into heven. But he is from Spain and he has to go back to Spain for 3 months over the summer (as he does every year) for buisness. Most of his friends live in Spain and so he does go a facebook alot to talk to them which I totally get- I have no objection to him having privacy and am never jealous, possessive or questioning of his behaviour. I believe both me and him are entitled to some privacy. However the thing that has started to really upset me is the way he treats me on facebook or really doesn't treat me on facebook. I tag him in some photos and he will delete the post from his wall and leave whatever anyone else tags of him up. Although he took of his 'single' status on his relationship, he hasn't put 'in a realtionship' either so I guess its the same thing. He never likes or comments on my status', or ever mentions me in any of his postings ect. We went on holiday to Rome- most people when they say they are going on holiday would put up at least who they are going with but none of that.Anyway this may sound petty and you may say don't worry- but the thing is it really does both me because I am certain the reason he is doing to is because for some reaosn he wants to appear available to other girls. he always talks about our future and even mentioned marraige once, but I feel like I don't want to marry someone who after 8 months can't openly be in a relationship wioth me on facebook despite living together! This whole thing is making me start to resent him. I can't discus it with him without seeming jealous as well- because it seems petty. Once I mentioned it a couple months ago and he said he didn't talk to me on fb becaus he saw me all the time- that I understand- but its no reason to ignore me completely! He speaks to hsi best mate vurtually everyday and still they chat on fb. His porfile photo is always of him and his mates. A couple of days ago I got so anoyed with they way he ignores me that I just unfriended him and he hasn't even noticed- its made me feel a bit better because at leats I don't feel like teh desperate love struck puppy chasing after his fb page! lol But I am still unhappy about it! My question is this- what do you think his agenda is with this? Do you think it shows that he wants to keep his options open cos he is not sure about me? I feel that is either this reason or that he is embarrased to be in a relationship with me? I am not ugly, I don't think! But I just don't know! This sounds odd but I never write on his wall cos I feel like he doesn't want me to interact with him! He says his good friends know about us and that fb makes no difference ect ect. Also what shoudl I do? Is there anyway I can approach this without looking jealous and paranoid? I can't help but feel a bit messed around! Please let me know I need to face the truth about this for good or for bad because I just cannot see the situation clearly now!Your help is greatly apreciated!
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 April 2012):
 It's Facebook. I would rather NOT have him as a "FB friend" if it lowers the resentment and drama.
But I DO suggest you TALK to him about it, face to face, not over facebook.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2012): Hi, I am the OP! Update_ Amazingly, when he got home he asked me why we weren't friends on fb anymore and I told him the truth- he said he didn't realise that it bothered me so much and has now changed his status! I am so excited! Oldbag you were right-I wasn't worried about him going to Spain for 3 months because I absolutely do trust him. I knew him for almost two years before we got together- not really well but through mutaul friends. I think I was just worried that he was telling me one thing and thinking another- ie: saying that he was commited but not meaning it. He wants me to come to Sapin when I get time over the summer and he wants me to stay with him mum. I think though if he hadn't changed his status after we talked about it I definately woudl be having second thoughts about our relationship though- it is important to me that he is commited to the relationship in every way. For me not commiting on fb would have shown me that although he was telling me I was 'the one' for him that wasn't really true. Our relatiosnhip has gone so fast but we really do make a great team- I think I just need to communicate more|! Thanks everyone for replies :)
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (22 April 2012):
 Hi there
Are you worried that he wants to date girls when he is in Spain for 3months or just that he wants to appear single and attractive, period.?
You seem to be concerned about his social network page more than the 3 month seperation. Does this mean you DO trust him and just want to be displayed on FB or that the FB stuff has made you doubt him altogether? Will you visit him in Spain,has he asked you to?
He is living with you,loves you so you have a 'real' life together and it is HIS FB page to do as he likes with
.
Maybe this is a dealbreaker for you,the doubt will grow as time goes on if he doesnt change ,maybe you moved in before you knew him well enough.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 April 2012):
 "I am certain the reason he is doing to is because for some reaosn he wants to appear available to other girls."
The only thing certain is that he is living with you and talking about marriage, and that you are happy when you are together.
Some people use facebook to connect with friends only. It is much more impersonal to type in text here and there then to talk in person face to face.
I think the truth is that he loves you. 6 months is very soon to move in together but I can understand that in the summer it will be long distance so you want to make good use of the time you have together. If you talk about being messed around. Stay in dearcupid long enough and you will see lots of people, men and women, don't even talk about moving in or marriage. Some fake a relationship in order to have sex for the day. Some have 8 years of tumultuous on and off relationships and never living together. Now that's messing around. If you don't want to look like a puppy chasing his facebook page I think the best solution is to delete your account.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2012): I am in the same exact position. I hate it and my BF and I had a huge fight about it. He gave the same excuses - I see you in real life etc.
But I don't buy it. It's like he's keeping his options open. It now has me questioning our entire relationship. And I told him this. He responded by changing his page so no one can tag him or see anything added to his wall. He says he wants privacy and all his friends know about me.
But it doesnt feel right. I'm totally win you. And debating if it's a break up worthy offense.
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